The feeling you’ll do almost anything to avoid
Most of what looks like anger, control, or procrastination is really an old feeling you learned to dodge.
This checklist helps you name yours — and see exactly how it’s been running the show.
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Are these some of your unbearable feelings?
Thirty-Five Unbearable feelings
Each entry names a feeling, then shows you exactly how you cope when you’re avoiding it — the control, the procrastination, the anger that seems to come from nowhere.
03/35 I will do anything to avoid feeling humiliated, exposed, embarrassed, laughed at, or ridiculed.
- You are quick to take offense, and you avoid the spotlight.
- You are proud and strive for peace at any price.
- You are not able to admit wrong or take correction without anger.
- You procrastinate because you fear getting it wrong and being found out.
- You second guess others’ possible reactions.
- You can’t display emotion, and you get angry with anyone who draws attention to you.
12/35 I will do anything to avoid feeling rejected, unwanted, excluded, unloved, abandoned, shut-out or left-behind.
- You are always making compromises.
- You are the outsider looking in.
- Resentment builds.
- You are a chronic ‘people pleaser’.
- There is a shyness about you.
- You second guess others’ views of you.
- There is extreme vindictiveness if you are ever jilted.
14/35 I will do anything to avoid feeling powerless, helpless, out-of-control, uncertain or in danger.
- There is a constant timidity about you.
- You fear anything new or adventurous.
- You get angry at the unexpected.
- You dominate and over-control your children, leading to their rebellion.
- You’re a ‘control freak’ and you lack trust in your spouse.
21/35 I will do anything to avoid the feeling of being dumb, inadequate, or stupid. A loser, a failure, incompetent, the ‘weak-link.’
- You’re a workaholic with pedantic perfectionism.
- You quit easily and avoid new challenges.
- You get angry at anything that will invoke that feeling whether it be a crying baby, a computer, broken machinery, taking an exam.
- You avoid classrooms, and you are unwilling to ‘talk it through’.
You’ve probably tried to fix the anger, the shutting down, the over-preparing, the people-pleasing — one at a time, like separate problems. They usually aren’t.
They’re strategies your mind built years ago to keep you away from one specific feeling.
Find the feeling, and the strategies will finally make sense.
- For the reaction you can’t quite explain.
- For the pattern your family already knows by heart.
- For the argument that goes the same way, every time.
This checklist is adapted from the Living Wisdom framework (David Riddell), used with permission from counsellor Paul Crawford
Find yours in the next 10 minutes.
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Questions people ask.
What exactly do I get? – A free PDF — all 35 feelings, a plain-language description of how each one tends to show up in your reactions, and space to score your own from 1 to 10.
Is this therapy, or a diagnosis? – No. It’s a starting point — a way to name what’s underneath a pattern, before you decide what, if anything, you want to do about it.
Will you sell or spam my email? – No. You’ll get the checklist, and other ebooks and classes. Then a weekly email. One click to unsubscribe, any time.
What happens after I read it? – Nothing, unless you want it to. If a few items score high, you’re welcome to contact me.