Do you have Church Anxiety?

You would think that going to church should be anxiety free wouldn’t you?

An email from someone came to me this week.

‘I was told [by a christian counsellor] that God’s antidote for anxiety was pray right, think right, do right. I went to church today and was filled with a lot of anxiety since there were thousands of people there. Shouldn’t I not have any anxiety in church then, if I’m where I’m supposed to be? But I always feel some anxiety at church and in crowds.’

(By the way, if you have questions, please email me. I will keep your details private).

What a great question, and well done for sending it to me.

So many things to talk about here.

Church Anxiety

Here are some thoughts.

1. ‘God’s antidote for anxiety was pray right, think right, do right.’

When I hear messages like this from counsellors, friends, pastors and churches, I want to scream and throw things.

It’s what I call baptised behaviourism.

Behaviourism is focused on changing the behaviours. If I do these things, then I will get the desired outcome. If I work really hard at prayer, at my thought life, and at doing everything right, then I will have less anxiety. Its about working hard, doing it right.

Then they throw in ‘God’ to baptise it as being something unquestionably right.

‘This is the antidote. This is the prescription. Follow the blueprint of the Bible and all will be well!’

I think that this sort of advice will actually increase your anxiety because you will always wonder, ‘Am I doing enough?’

When the desired outcome doesn’t happen, then you must not have tried hard enough, or ‘there is sin in your life’.

The expectations are high. Do right, whatever that might be, and you will come right. The writer of this email also told me she was to ‘Obey her way out of depression’

God says to anxious hearts ‘I am with you’

Jesus lived a perfect life on our behalf. There are no more brownie points to earn. He has won them all on your behalf.

Don’t get me wrong. Praying and working on our thought life is important. Doing the ‘right’ thing is also important, but when it’s made a condition of acceptance, when it’s yet another high mountain to climb, then it’s fear-inducing and not fear relieving.

2. If I’m in church, where I’m supposedly meant to be, why am I feeling so anxious?

So here are some thoughts.

Anxiety gets fuelled by being in unpredictable contexts. It gets calmed when there is order, direction, and quiet.

I suspect this person would find going to a busy shopping centre difficult.

Churches can be much the same. The writer mentions they go to a church that has thousands of people coming to it. This creates a lot of stimuli to the nervous system. The overwhelm would be huge. It’s not a place for them. It might be fine for others but not for them, and that’s okay.

In the church I pastored, which was focused on people with mental illness struggles, we did a number of things to help people with their anxiety.

Lots of space. At one venue, we met around tables. People could get up and move around with ease. People were not shoulder to shoulder with each other. There was space.
An empty back row. The back row was always there, empty for those wanting to sneak in after the service had started and leave before it finished. It was there for people who wanted to observe, but from a distance. Think Nicodemus.
Same format every week. There was predictability. Some churches, like the one I attend, have a written order of service. Everyone knows what is going to happen next.
Set start time, set finish time. Again, there is that predictability.
Things were kept simple. Nothing complex or difficult to understand. Everything explained.
Nothing loud or over the top. There wasn’t loud music or flashing lights. This wasn’t a performance.

I would suggest to this lady that she find another church that is smaller and less noisy.

Bigger is not always better.

3. Where I’m supposed to be

The writer uses the words ‘supposed to be’ implying that someone or even a belief system is telling her that she is ‘supposed to be’ in a Church service.

Who or what is ‘supposing’ on you?

The word ‘suppose’ comes from the words ‘to be placed under’

I have had many people ‘suppose’ me. Place me under expectations that truly weren’t the right fit for me.

The load gets heavy, fueling depression and anxiety.

Is this church and its culture where you are ‘supposed to be’

Does God want you in a place that is anxiety-inducing?

Is this ‘church’ a safe place for you?

By the way, I believe that in a congregation of thousands, there will be many others feeling exactly the same way. They are not alone in their anxiety. She is not weird or strange. She just needs something different from what this particular church offers.

Personally, I can’t go to large churches anymore. To me, it feels like I am being processed through a sausage machine. Here is the stage show for you to accept, whether you like it or not, and out you pop the other side all ‘Christianised’, supposedly.

Relational church

I prefer a relational church. Small, intimate, predictable, and empowering. Where people know your name and want to share life with you.

My kind of church is one where we kindle each other to love and good works.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another. Hebrews 10:24-25

I like the church connection offered in this story.

When he [Jesus] was at the table with them, he took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him; and he vanished from their sight. They said to each other, ‘Were not our hearts burning within us while he was talking to us on the road, while he was opening the scriptures to us?’ Luke 24:30-32

I think this is the type of church that we are supposed to be in.

Quotes to consider

The task of the [church] is to be positioned, like a campfire in the wilderness, welcoming sojourners from all corners of life to stop, relax and yarn for a while.
A place where tired bodies and spirits are warmed by the fire and refreshed.
A friendly atmosphere where stories of the road are shared amongst travellers.
The job of the Christian [therefore] is to keep the fire burning because one never knows when a traveller will come to sit.
It doesn’t matter where on the journey the traveller has been exploring,
or how long they have been walking, if they come in peace to sit on a log by the campfire, they are welcome. Simon Brown Mission and the Art of Spiritual Direction
Sadly, no matter how much rhetoric there may be about the transformation, most churches remain, in the words of Richard Rohr, more tribal than truly transformational. David Benner
Only those willing to stand close enough to listen will ever hear those closest to the problem. Jim Wallis
To say “I am going to church” both reveals and promotes bad theology. Marva J. Dawn
The Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ, to make them little Christs. If they are not doing that, all the cathedrals, clergy, missions, sermons, even the Bible itself, are simply a waste of time. God became Man for no other purpose. It is even doubtful, you know, whether the whole universe was created for any other purpose. C.S. Lewis

Questions to answer

Does your church service experience help with anxiety and/or depression?
What are the ‘supposed to’s’ that you labour under?
C.S. Lewis states, ‘The Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ, to make them little Christs.’ How is your church service experience helping you in that?

Formation exercise

Consider the question that was sent to me. How would you respond? How many others do you think feel the same way? Journal about what a church service might look like for those who are anxious. There are quite a few.