Don't Let Me Be Put to Shame

Being put to shame is to have comparisons made and to see yourself as being flawed, but a refuge can be found, and hope can be restored.

I could see him withering under a hailstorm of accusations. He had a sexual addiction, and he was trying to stay true, but the pornography found on his cell phone sent his self-righteous friends into overload.

He was being ‘put to shame’

Being ‘put to shame’ is to make someone or something seem not good by comparison.

Consider this sentence. ‘Their writing is so much better than mine. They put me to shame.’

A comparison is made. A judgment is decided upon and a stone is thrown.

To put someone to shame is to make the comparison loud and clear.

‘I am better than you. You should be ashamed. You should see yourself as being flawed and I am going to keep you in that category. Flawed.’

Shame causes us to see our identity as flawed rather than seeing ourselves as having flaws. Dan Allender Hope when you’re hurting.

My sex addict friend, in his heart, was seeing himself as a flaw.

He was being dehumanised.

And we do it all the time. We even do it to ourselves.

Do not let me ever be put to shame

A writer of songs many years ago wrote a beautiful song about his predicament of being shamed by others.

Psalm 31 is a psalm of someone in distress, scorn, horror, dread, sorrow, grief, sighing, misery, and brokenness.

Ever been there?

He starts his prayer with these words

In you, O Lord, I seek refuge;
do not let me ever be put to shame. Psalm 31:1

He is being stoned with shame, but he doesn’t want it. ‘Dont let this happen to me God.’

Instead, he wants to find a refuge. A safe place to hide from the assaults on his soul.

My refuge

When I am being put to shame and my flaws are being held up and exposed to the world, I need someone who knows what it’s like to be shamed.

A fellow beggar who has lived on the street and has come under the condemnation of those passing by.

My favourite shame story is that of the Men caught in Hypocrisy

Jesus went across to Mount Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them.

The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery.

They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, “Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.

Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt.

They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, “The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone.”

Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.

Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest.

The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. “Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?”

“No one, Master.”

“Neither do I,” said Jesus. “Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.” John 8:1-11 (The Message)

Artist: David Hayward

I once showed this image to a woman that had been shamed by the self-righteous.

She knew exactly what was going on in those men’s eyes and where they would be looking.

We prayed, and we ate bread together.

Christianity is one beggar telling another beggar where he found bread. D.T. Niles

Jesus knew what it was like to be put to the flame of comparison. To be put to shame.

Jesus was the refuge which this woman snuck into and found hope.

The call is to do this for others.

Sometimes I feel safer with a prostitute than with a priest.

Do not let me be put to shame

Do not let me
Be put to shame
Do not let me
Die under Satan’s game

When others throw stones
Hurl accusations unfair
Kneel down beside me
In the village square

Raise me up
Shield and buckler be
Be thou my fortress
Rock of redemption for me

In you I hide
In you I trust
You know the whole story
Finger scribes into dust

One day
When all will be revealed
Shame will be no more
Warm love
All is healed

Barry Pearman

Questions?

Comments?

Email me 🙂📨 barry@turningthepage.co.nz

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Quotes to consider

When you throw dirt, you’re doing nothing but losing ground. Zig Ziglar
In the moments of insecurity and crisis, “shoulds” and “oughts” don’t really help; they just increase the shame, guilt, pressure, and likelihood of backsliding. It’s the deep “yeses” that carry you through. Focusing on something you absolutely believe in, that you’re committed to, will help you wait it out. Richard Rohr When Things Fall Apart
Shame is the raincoat over the soul repelling the living water of Jesus that would otherwise establish us as the beloved of God. Andrew Comiskey
I think that is God’s plan – to meet me where I am, in all my ugliness, not where I pretend to be or wish I were; to meet me in my weakness and shame and fear and to give me hope that God loves me, that He can change me, and that He can use me. Dr. Larry Crabb, Real Church
In order to be healed we must come out of isolation and hiding. This means finding a person, or ideally a group of significant others, whom we are willing to trust. This is tough for shame-based people. John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame that Binds You
Shame becomes toxic because of premature exposure. We are exposed either unexpectedly or before we are ready to be exposed. We feel helpless and powerless. No wonder then that we fear the scrutinizing eyes of others. However, the only way out of toxic shame is to embrace the shame—we must come out of hiding. John Bradshaw
The best way to come out of hiding is to find a non-shaming intimate person or social network. The operative word here is “intimate.” We have to get on a core, gut level because shame is core, gut-level stuff. Toxic shame masks our deepest secrets about ourselves; it embodies our belief that we are essentially defective. John Bradshaw
S.H.A.M.E. – Should Have Already Mastered Everything
An addict needs shame like a man dying of thirst needs saltwater. Terrence Real

Questions to answer

Why do we shame others?
When you have been ‘put to shame’ who has come alongside you (if anyone) and what qualities did they exhibit that helped you connect with them?
Do you put yourself to shame? What role has comparison played in your life? Where did it start?

Formation exercise

The picture above of the men caught in hypocrisy has three characters, as such. The woman, Jesus, and the men. Place yourself in each of those characters. What emotions get stirred up in you? What action is Jesus calling you to take as you look at this image and engage with the story?