You're not a Problem to be Fixed

Sometimes you can feel like you are a problem to be fixed, but you’re not that. You may have problems, but not a problem.

You’re not a problem to be fixed. Neither are you a personality to be probed. You’re not a diagnosis, a number, or a category.

You may feel like you are being analyzed so that you fit in a box, but No, you’re not a tick in a box.

You are human.

They may have a file on you that is lifetime long, yet you’re not that file.

You are not a disorder, an addiction, an anxiety or a depression.

You’re not a mood or a melancholy.

You’re not a problem to be fixed.

But it felt like I was another problem to be fixed and they had the solutions. ‘Just do this and that, and life will get back on track.’

‘Next patient, please.’

Have you ever felt that? That feeling that you are simply another problem to be solved. That you are interrupting somebodies journey, and they want to fix you as soon as possible so they can get on with life.

It’s called dehumanisation.

That’s a very big fancy word that means to deprive a person of human qualities. You are no longer a human. You are more of a problem to be solved, a number, a disorder.

I once wrote an essay titled ‘Dehumanization and Sexual Abuse.’ Not an easy read, but one that takes the reader to the story that Jesus told of The Dehumaised Man or what many call The Story of the Good Samaritan.

It’s the man in the ditch, dying from the abuse of robbers. They saw him for what he had, not for who he was.

I even wrote a poem of sorts

A soul was traveling

A Soul was Travelling

A soul was traveling
From cradle to grave
When a band of abusers
Stole and depraved

Naked and beaten
Stripped of its worth
Vulnerable alone
No friend but a curse

Eyes half glazed
Scanning the crowd
Looks for a lover
A soul to be found

One walks toward
All pompous and proud
Degrees on the wall
No soul to be found

Don’t taint me he says
I have a nice crown
Too busy today
To ever look down

A lawyer comes by
All knowing, all fine
I have all the words
Except ‘I’ll be kind’

To me you’re a nobody
Legal Aid might just do
Up and till then
Justice is not for you

With a flurry of dust
Trolley wheels spinning round
A child comes forth
On a vechile not sound

He pulls to halt
Looks to the ground
The trickle of blood
The deep moaning sound

He is only one
He will do what he can
He steps to the ground
Heart in his hand

The soul looks with fear
Wonders what good a boy can do
Yet he is hopeless and helpless
No neighbours that are true

The boy walks forward
Assesses the mess
He seen this before
It’s Christ in distress

The eyes see each other
A glance with some fear
The child reaches forward
With love and much tear

The soul lies abused
Lost all it’s worth
It’s broken and battered
A corpse without nerve

The boy gives embrace
Not knowing the toll
He strokes back the hair
Reviving the Soul

With much gentle care
He baths the deep wounds
Tender words broken heart
He gives a cocoon

Memories flood through
Of traumas past met
Abuse and self blame
Mix with doubt and regret

Why did they do this?
The questions do rise
The tears run down
Their cheeks never dry

The boy looks and wonders
What can he say
The questions go unanswered
An embrace the fears allay

With arms reaching out
He embraces the soul
He pulls it into him
A story to be told

Others walk by
Platitudes in their mouth
Just try harder
It will all work out

Paint a brave face
That’s what we do
Everyone’s watching
Boxed with a view

No time to stop
And lend a hand
The people walk by
Head in the sand

It’s really not that bad
Until it’s themselves
Left bloodied and bleeding
Abused on the shelf

I like my life clean
No dirt on my hands
I’ll stick with likable
Secure and bland

Love sees the invisible
The talent in hand
For want of compassion
Someone to take a stand

The traumas now faced
The heart scars healed
A soul is restored
A future revealed

A glance, an embrace
A soul reaching forth
Not a project they see
But love at full worth

We’ve all been dehumanized

To some degree, we have all felt the coldness of being treated as less than something glorious and made in the image of God.

We have all felt the chill of people walking by, not noticing, not caring.

You are not a problem to be fixed or something broken to be mended.

Instead, you are one that needs connection. Someone who needs to know that you are not alone in this world of categorization and box ticking. That you have worth and beauty and presence. That you matter and that God dances and delights over you.

There is a journey out of the ditch of what others have done to you and even the coffin boxes you have put yourself into.

Perhaps it will take a child, maybe someone with childlike naivete who has no preconceived diagnoses or formula but simply trusts in a God of love to do the work.

Perhaps it will take an Amando.

There once was a small eight-year-old boy called Amando. Small because he had been abandoned by his mother and was dying from the lack of food. Amando wasn’t able to walk, talk or eat by himself. In addition, he had a severe mental disability.

In an orphanage, he found people who loved him and held him, and as they did, he gradually began to eat again and develop.

But when carers picked him up, his whole body would ‘quiver with joy and excitement and say, “I love you.”

Amando was a lover.

What was his worth?

In our worldy measurement of success, fame, and value, perhaps he had no value.

But to those that held him and knew him, there was a worth that kind of celebrated true love. It was like the Christ shining through his eyes.

Amando’s shake the familiar world of worth that is based on human-based values.

Read more about Amando in Becoming a True Spiritual Community by Larry Crabb

Please

Please don’t treat people as problems to be fixed. Look deep. Look long.

Look for the longings that every one of us has – to be known, to be held, to be loved.

Please know that you are not a problem to be fixed. You are not a category, a diagnosis, or a treatment plan.

You are not your past; you’re not even your future. You are you. Made in the image of a dancing community that welcomes you for connection.

Quotes to consider

The load, or weight, or burden of my neighbor’s glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken… There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. And our charity must be a real and costly love. C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory.
On the cross the dancing circle of self-giving and mutually indwelling divine persons opens up for the enemy; in the agony of the passion the movement stops for a brief moment and a fissure appears so that sinful humanity can join in. We, the others – we the enemies – are embraced by the divine persons who love us with the same love with which they love each other and therefore make space for us within their own eternal embrace. Miroslav Volf – Inclusion and embrace
One of the greatest challenges of the spiritual life is to receive God’s forgiveness. There is something in us humans that keeps us clinging to our sins and prevents us from letting God erase our past and offer us a completely new beginning. Sometimes it even seems as though I want to prove to God that my darkness is too great to overcome. Henri Nouwen
Therapists accomplish good results because they are lovers, in the personal sense of that word, and not experts. Only genuine, unpurchaseable love does what needs to be done in the human soul. Larry Crabb
What makes a human being human is the heart with which they can give and receive love’.Henri Nouwen. “Journey to L’Arche”
Both the scriptures and the history of the Church teach us that if the Holy Spirit is working, the whole man will be involved and there will be much cost to the Christian. The more the Holy Spirit works, the more there will be personal cost and tiredness. It is quite the opposite of what we might first think. People often cry for the work of the Holy Spirit and yet forget that when the Holy Spirit works, there is always a tremendous cost to the people of God, weariness, tears, and battles. Francis Schaeffer
Change is possible and substantial, but not perfected until heaven. “Substantial healing”, a phrase used by Francis Schaffer, underscores the possibility of deep and meaningful alteration, without blinding our eyes to the fact that permanent and final change awaits the transformation of the world through Christ’s return. The wounds of living in a fallen world with fallen people (including ourselves) make being damaged (internally and externally) a certainty. Dan Allender
Beneath what our culture calls psychological disorder is a soul crying out for what only community can provide. Larry Crabb
Nothing changes the human heart so deeply as to look bad in the presence of love, to be seen and still be wanted, more to be delighted in. That’s grace. Larry Crabb
I see a healing community as a group of people who place connecting at the exact centre of their purpose and passion. Connecting with God (worship), others (loving service), and ourselves (personal wholeness). All else is either a route to or a result of connecting. Loving God and loving others lie at the core of God’s intention for his people.Larry Crabb

Questions to answer

Have you ever felt like someone wants to fix you?
What is it like to feel known, loved, and accepted even with all of your problems?
Why do we want to try and fix others? What is the energy behind the ‘fix them’ mentality?