Social Media is a great way of connecting with people and sharing content.
There is so much creativity out there and Social Media provides a great outlet for such creativity.
There is however a dark side, a shadow, a hidden side to this wonderful new information service.
My wife and I were out having lunch the other day in a cafe. Chatting and talking about nothing really at all when I happened to see a young couple take a seat at the table next to us.
After about five minutes I noticed that both of them had their cell phones out, pouring over whatever was glowing from the screen. Texts, Tweets, Facebook updates, I don’t know what they were looking at.
One thing that wasn’t happening was that they were not growing in relational community with each other through conversation. There wasn’t a free flowing conversation happening. Just scrolling, taping and gazing.
Of course there is the more obvious dark side of Cyber bullying.
Recently we have had the suicide of New Zealand model Charlottle Dawson who was plagued by bullies and trolls through Twitter. She was seeing a therapist, had good friends, had everything seemingly going for her, yet was depressed and swamped by darkness.
I wonder about her.
- What was happening deep inside her, in the soul, the place where cosmetics could not mask?
- What need, within in her, was being met through a small screen?
- Was there a relational intimacy she was craving for and hoped to find through a tweet?
Does social media have the potential to subtly allure us away from the real deal?
We don’t generally look at dark sides.
We prefer them to stay in the shadows. Looking at the dark side of activities we are involved in requires some introspection.
Have you noticed any dark sides to Social Media?
As a Christian here is how I see it.
God is a relational being. The relationship between Father, Son and Spirit is perfect. We don’t know what perfect is, but in this triune relationship there is perfect intimacy – In-to-me-see.
Nothing is hidden, everything is revealed, known, enjoyed, celebrated. There is no bullying or manipulation, there is no ‘keeping one’s distance’.
The best way I can describe this relationship is that its a kind of a dance,
In Christianity God is not a static thing – not even a person – but a dynamic, pulsating activity, a life, almost a kind of drama. Almost, if you will not think me irreverent, a kind of dance C.S. Lewis
We were made for this type of dance. An intimate free flowing enjoyment of each other with no strings attached.
If we are image bearers, and we are designed to experience joy depending on the quality of our relationships, then it follows from that, that when God created us, He created us with the capacities to enjoy relationships.
He made us capable as human beings, to enter in to the kind of relationship that the Father, Son, and Spirit have been enjoying from an eternity past. Dogs and cats form certain kinds of relationships, as dog owners and cat owners would attest to, but they don’t have the capacity to relate the way that the Trinity relates.
Dogs can wag their tails when their master comes home, but they can’t relate with the kind of soul-to-soul connection that you and I can relate with. Larry Crabb
We have moved away from this garden of delight. We still however crave and long for this relational ‘in-to-me-see’. Relationship is what we were created for, but now we have a second hand model that keeps on breaking down.
Connection, deep connection, we long for it, if we are honest. We will go to just about any means to achieve it. We are journeyers and we can’t travel alone.
Perhaps this is why pornography is addictive and thrives on the Internet like a tick on a dog. Sucking off the willing and leaving them gutted in return. The thrill of hormonal falsity without the challenge and risk of relational reality.
Providing a relatively risk free buzz where you are in control, supposedly. Getting what you want, when you want it, and without having to risk relational vulnerability.
Social Media provides a service of relationship between you and content. It might be a blogpost such as you are reading now. It might be someones tweets, a picture, a video.
You are being served up a platter of information. Some of which is good and wholesome and some down right disgusting. All available at the click of a button.
The dark side of Social Media, I believe, is that it can a distraction from the real deal.
Have a look at this clip from one of my favourite kids movies – Wall-e.
In overusing Social Media, are we potentially dumbing ourselves down from the ability to connect at a deep level to those physically close to us.
I wonder, how long can you maintain a conversation with another person face to face?
Not just on the fluffy stuff, but going deep. Where you truly explore what is happening in the soul, where gold is discovered midst the rubble, and what most needs hope is touched.
When was the last time that happened for you? Does Social Media help or hinder this to occur?
You can be lonely in a crowded room. You can be even more lonely when there is 33 million people in the room
3 ways to disempower the dark side of Social Media
1. Do an assessment
Just for a day, go without any Social Media involvement. Turn off your notifications, and don’t go and look at the latest posts. Avoid opening any emails relating to Social Media. Some of you who use Social Media for your work may have to plan for this and let some of your contacts know the plan you have.
What do you notice at the end of the day?
What has having a fast of Social Media meant for you?
Did you fidget, were you anxious about what was happening out there in Social Media land? Did it free you up for some other activities?
Was a day long enough? Maybe try two days or a week or …
2. Build new habits that don’t require a screen.
Something I have been doing lately as a Spiritual habit is to just sit and focus on a flower. Just to have a period of unhurried leisure and focus in on something God has made. Its tangible and tactile, you can feel it, smell it, be amazed by all the variance of colours and textures. The layers upon layers of creativity all there for us to see, and no screen needed.
Being present to God requires a slowing down, a stilling of the soul and a listening for the ‘this is for you’ words of God. You just can’t get that in a tweet.
I have been doing this lately and just sharing some of my pictures on Instagram and then on to Facebook and Twitter profiles. It didn’t require a screen to connect with God, but there was an invite to share it with the world.
3. Be intentional in cultivating a few real relationships.
I would love to have deeper relationships with so many people but I am but one. Time is limited so it is better to connect deeply with a few than spread it millimetre thin for many.
Going deep with a few is better than being shallow with many. It requires risk and vulnerability. Its not so easy to disengage with and it requires negotiation. Patience and listening are needed. Time needs to be prioritized for the flower of deep relationship to bloom.
Questions to consider and leave a comment
- In what ways does Social Media impact real relationships, both positively and negatively.
- What are both the obvious and subtle unseen ways Social Media impacts our ability to connect deeply?
Barry Pearman
Photo Credit: Meet the Media Guru via Compfight cc
