Can You Pray for Me? How to Pray with Depth and Intimacy

Quick answer: When someone asks “can you pray for me?”, the most honest response is to pray using a template of intimacy rather than guessing at vague words.

Praying through the Lord’s Prayer or Psalm 23 — inserting the person’s name — gives your intercession depth and structure, even when you don’t know their deepest need.

From there, prayer can move from broad, big-picture requests down to “millimetre” focus: the small, specific details of a person’s healing or growth.

Why don’t I know what to pray for someone?

I often get requests to pray for people, but I’m often not sure exactly what to pray for. Sometimes the need is very clear — a diagnosis, a job loss, a broken relationship. At other times it’s vague, and the person asking may not even be aware of their own deepest, below-the-surface need.

There’s also a second question worth sitting with: is the person paying attention to notice how God might answer? The answer might be yes, exactly as hoped. It might be yes, but in a completely different way than expected. Or it might be “no” or “not yet.” Will they return to give thanks, or will they move on without noticing, like nine of the ten men healed of leprosy who never came back (Luke 17:11–19)? These are the things I ponder whenever someone asks me to pray.

How did Jesus teach us to pray?

The first followers of Jesus once asked him directly how to pray, and his answer still shapes how I approach intercession today. He warned against praying to be seen by others, against heaping up “empty phrases,” and instead pointed to something quieter and more intimate:

“And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” — Matthew 6:5–8

He then gave the Lord’s Prayer itself — “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name…” (Matthew 6:9–13) — which I hold as a template of intimacy Jesus is pointing us toward, not a rigid script to recite word-for-word.

How do I turn the Lord’s Prayer into a prayer for someone else?

I pray within the context of what Jesus modelled, using his words as a template rather than a formula. Here’s how I put someone else’s name into that template. You can insert any name — a friend, a family member, or your own — into the blanks below.

God, you are a perfect, loving, and intimate parent who welcomes _____ like a little child.
You surround _____. Reveal yourself fully to _____.
May your full symphony of colour and light dance around _____. Set _____’s world right, the way you always intended it to be.
Do what’s best for _____, God. We don’t always know precisely what that is, but we trust you to get it right. You have a larger story going on that _____ is part of.
Meet _____’s every need, even those _____ doesn’t know they have.
Forgive _____ for their wandering focus away from you. Help _____ forgive others. May _____ learn to live lightly and freely.
Keep _____ safe and close in your presence, like a little chick under its mother’s wings.
Alert _____ to any distractions that would shift their gaze away from you.
For you have the whole world, including _____’s, in your hands. May _____ know this deeply and grow in trust.

How can Psalm 23 be used as a prayer template?

Psalm 23 is another prayer I return to as a template — this time for someone walking through a dark or uncertain season. The psalm itself reads:

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. He leads me in right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff — they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long.” — Psalm 23

Here’s the same psalm reworked as an intercessory prayer, with a name inserted:

Good shepherd of the flock, may _____ surrender their sheep-like self into your care.
Help _____ realise that you supply their deepest wants and needs.
May _____ submit to the times you want them to quietly rest and reflect on your goodness.
Help _____ know your leading, especially in places where you might want them to stop.
Restore, revive, and renew the dryness of _____’s soul.
Lead _____ on the right paths and keep them off the wrong ones, because your name and reputation are at stake.
When _____ is in a dark place, help them see you are walking them through it, and that it has an end.
Help _____ see that you prepare rest ahead of time — flat, table-land places where they can recover safely.
May _____’s life have an oil of healing poured over it, so it flows out and touches others too.
May _____ quietly keep listening for the assurances of the Good Shepherd.

What is “millimetre” prayer?

Millimetre prayer means praying for the small, specific details rather than only the big, sweeping request. We often want the big change — full healing, full restoration — but in reality, big change is made up of thousands of small millimetres. God loves the small: the smallness of a mustard seed.

For example, if someone asks me to pray for healing from a mental illness, I don’t stop at praying generally for “healing.” I also pray for the small, nanometre-level connections in the brain — that the structures within the brain would begin to change, and that medication and other therapies would help. I pray for small, believing in big.

If you’d like to pray for me, pray with the broadness of the templates above first, then let God lead you down to a millimetre focus point. If you’d like me to pray for you, you’re welcome to get in touch through the contact page.

Quotes to consider on prayer

“Our ‘spiritual life’ is not limited to a set time and place of prayer. Rather, it involves all of our life, every moment of our existence.” — Joyce Rupp
“One can no more pray too much than one can love too much.” — Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
“We are unfinished creatures — longing, reaching, stretching towards fulfillment. We express these desires for completion in prayer.” — Eugene Peterson
“Prayer is openness to God in faith. It is allowing the life of God to flow into and through us.” — David Benner
“Prayer tills the soil of the soul and unearths the clods of stories that lie beneath the surface.” — Dan Allender
“There certainly must be some who pray constantly for those who never pray at all.” — Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

Questions to answer

What happens in you when someone asks you to pray for them?
When you read the prayer templates above and insert your own name, which line grabs your attention most, and why?
What would it be like to focus your prayer life down to millimetre — or even nanometre — requests?

Frequently asked questions about praying for someone

What do you say when someone asks you to pray for them?

You don’t need special or perfect words. A simple, honest response — “yes, I will pray for you” — followed by using a prayer template like the Lord’s Prayer or Psalm 23 with their name inserted, gives your prayer both sincerity and structure, even when you’re unsure of the specific need.

What is a good prayer template to use for someone else?

The Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9–13) and Psalm 23 both work well as prayer templates. Insert the person’s name into the lines and let the structure of the passage shape what you ask for on their behalf.

Why is it hard to know what to pray for someone?

People often ask for prayer without being fully aware of their own deepest need, and their surface request may not capture what’s actually going on underneath. Praying broad, intimacy-focused prayers first — then narrowing to specific “millimetre” details — helps address both the stated and unstated need.

What does it mean to pray for the “millimetres”?

Millimetre prayer means asking for small, specific, incremental change rather than only the big, sweeping outcome. Big transformation is usually made up of many small millimetres of change, so praying specifically for those small details is a legitimate and often more answerable form of intercession.