Tired of Pretending? Find the Ancient Path to Honesty

 Tired of pretending instead of being real? Discover the ancient path of honesty — one millimetre step at a time.

I watched a movie the other day called ‘Rental Family’.

It stars Brendan Fraser as an American actor based in Japan who begins working for an acting agency, where he plays roles in the lives of strangers.

A fiancé for one, a friend for another, a father for a young girl, even a ‘sad American’ in a fake funeral. All roles played perfectly. All being dishonest to himself and others.

In the end, though, this dishonesty wears his soul down.

When you’re in that place of pretense, in a performance, a tiredness grows within the soul.

It’s tiring to be someone you’re not.

On the outside I am …, but on the inside I am this. I am being this person for you, but I have longings to be that person.

I am being dishonest to the other, but more so, I am being dishonest to my true self.

We become chameleons and change appearance to suit the surrounding environment.

Why We Get Tired of Pretending

There is an ancient path, and this path takes us through villages where we have to choose between honesty or performance.

Honesty says, ‘This is who I am’ — I have doubts, questions, fears, failings, depression moments, anxiety panics.

Performance sings ‘This is who I want you to think I am’ — I’m fine, smiley face emoji, everything is under control.

Most people want performance, not honesty.

When someone comes with honesty, it forces us to face a honesty/performance crossroads.

Do I take them in and listen deep, or do I gloss over the rawness with trite words?

Raw and honest

Recently I was raw and honest with someone. I was on the verge of tears. There are few others I have been like this with because I have had experiences where others have abused my vulnerable place. But I felt safe with this person because we have a history of being safe with each other. In the past, they shared an honest, broken moment with me because they knew I had been there too.

I wonder about the people who come to this website.

Do they have relationships where they can be honest?

I wonder if in this digital internet world there is a greater opportunity to be anonymous. To live vicariously through the performance of others rather than the pilgrim struggles of a few close friends.

The person I was raw and honest with will come back to me and ask about my pilgrim ancient path. I will do the same for them.

At times, yes, there will be a performance, but at other times, we know that we can be honest pilgrims together.

Ancient paths always bring us to an intersection of choosing honesty or performance.

Performance is always easier, especially if you have played a role for many years, but then there comes a moment where you just can’t do it anymore. You’re tired of the mask. Tired of pretending. You want honesty, even if it might be at a cost.

So you ask maybe a few safe others to help you with the millimetre steps down the road less travelled. You might even like to have a soultalk conversation with me.

Where’s the Red Dot?

Near the entrance to any shopping mall, you will find a map. It will have a list of shops on one side and a plan of the complex. An arrow will point to a red dot and next to the arrow will be these words: ‘You are here’.

You have found your location and can make a plan to get to where you want to be.

That is, of course, if you accept that where you are is actually where you are.

How honest you are with yourself will determine whether you cyclically keep coming back to the same red dot or you go to another place — a better place.

Ancient paths have signs with maps showing the red dot. This is where you are.

Ancient Paths Are Millimetre Paths

Paths are not meant to be resting points. Paths are meant for walking on. They take you somewhere.

Many of the people I talk with seem to be on a path, but they are stuck. They know they need to move, to take that next step, but the step seems enormous.

Walking is a millimetre movement.

I take a small step into the unknown. I gain a little momentum trying something new. There is a stretching of myself by doing the next smallest step, but I don’t do it alone. I do it with someone else who will encourage the millimetre. Someone who will walk alongside. Someone who has a hope edged vision that I may not be able to see myself at this moment.

Recently, I have noticed in the lives of some of those I have been pilgrim walking through soul talk conversations that there has been a subtle change. One person said that they were experiencing a new sense of peace and less pressure.

Another shared there was a lifting of depression, a quietness inside developing away from noise and rush. Nothing major, but so subtle that it’s hardly noticeable, something to build on — millimetre ministry is exciting.

Quotes to consider

Barry is a writer, coach, online pastor, and course creator that has a passion for Mental Health and Spiritual Formation.

Photo by Leonie Zettl on Unsplash