Glory Days: Why the Old Life Keeps Calling You Back

I could see it beginning to happen — the early warning signs that he was heading back into his old patterns.

His addiction pathway was so deeply worn into his brain that it turned his head like a magnet snapping into place. (It’s one reason why habits are so hard to break.)

The Pull of the Glory Days

So I asked him: what was the attraction? What was the allure of the old life calling him back?

It was the bar, the lights, the sounds, the friendships, and the shared storytelling. As he described it, I watched him light up with the excitement of reliving the moment. In his mind, he could step right back into that place and feel all the good feelings it used to give him.

It was a glory days scenario.

Bruce Springsteen wrote a song called Glory Days about exactly this kind of romantic nostalgia. It’s a wry look at people who keep retelling their high-school highlights, and at the singer’s own suspicion that one day he’ll be doing the same.

We remember the high points — the great parts of the story — and we long to be back there again. But alongside the glory days were the shame days and the sad days. Their echoes still whisper, but we choose not to go there, because they point to personal failure and loss.

The addict may well carry a glory days mentality about their past. But refusing to own the dark side keeps them close to going back. Often it’s one of the lies we tell ourselves.

Questions need to be asked about why that addiction, that relationship, that situation had such a grip on the soul.

Often it’s because a felt need was being met. Perhaps it was community, a sense of belonging, of being part of something, of feeling special. We were self-soothing our emotional pain.

We minimise the pain of back then so that we can have a little of the glory days feelings once again. The inner voice goes something like this:

Any love, even if it’s abusive, is better than no love at all.

I will do anything to get back the feelings I had then. I will even push away the shame of what those choices cost me.

Remembering the Food, Forgetting the Chains

A whole nation felt this pull on their pilgrimage across the desert. For the people of Israel, it was the memory of food.

They had walked out of slavery, and now, hungry in the wilderness, their minds drifted back to a basic need:

They remembered the glory story of abundance. What they chose not to remember was the shackles of slavery:

Nostalgia edits out the slave master. (I’ve written more about being a slave to despair and the Israelites in Egypt.)

Are You Tempted to Go Back?

Maybe there’s a pull toward the old ways. You’re tempted to leave the ancient path that feels like it’s getting narrower and harder, and to push aside what that lifestyle actually cost you.

The glory days of yesterday beckon and allure. We minimise the hurt we felt under the slavery of that addiction, that culture, that cult.

Four Ways to Resist the Pull of the Past

1. Check In with H.A.L.T.S.

This simple acronym is a self-assessment. It helps you notice why the temptation to go back to “Egypt” is strong right now, and what you might need to look at and address.

• H — Hungry: Are you running low on food or physical fuel?
• A — Angry: Are you feeling frustrated, resentful, or mad?
• L — Lonely: Are you feeling isolated or lacking connection?
• T — Tired: Do you need rest or sleep?
• S — Sick: Are you feeling physically unwell? (You can also read this as Stressed or Sad.)

2. Rehearse the Consequences

Face into what actually happened back then, and realise that making those same choices will bring the same outcome now.

Retraining the brain is possible, but it takes steady practice. Here are some practical ways to regroove your thinking patterns.

3. Focus on the True Glory Days

I’m not there yet, but I have hope in a future infinitely better than anything this world offers. As the old gospel song puts it, there’s a home in Gloryland that outshines the sun.

Where I focus, I will go. Focusing on the past will take me back there and keep me there. Focusing on what is in my control, and looking to the future, will give me hope.

4. Learn from the Rear-View Mirror

My wife is planning to start a new venture, and a business mentor asked her, “What have you learned from the rear-view mirror?”

That’s where the wisdom is — the nuggets of what to do and what not to do. We don’t stare into the rear-view mirror as if that’s all there is to see. We glance at it to gain wisdom for the road ahead.

We remember the glory days, but we also embrace their ingloriousness. We don’t romanticise the past; we ask ourselves honestly what it actually cost. We accept that we, like jars of clay, have cracks, but we don’t need to go back and get broken all over again.

Quotes to Consider

• In order to overcome instant gratification, you need to think about the consequences of your actions (now that you know what they are), and the way your habit is affecting the people around you.  — Paul Crawford, Breaking Porn Addiction Through Rewiring Your Brain
• Until we find the need that was being met all those years ago, no real progress can be made in healing the addiction.  Self-control, accountability arrangements and so on will have little effect if another way of meeting that original need has not been made available to a brain that has been trained in one alternative.  — Paul Crawford, Breaking Porn Addiction Through Rewiring Your Brain
• Autobiography in Five Short Chapters – Portia Nelson

I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

by Portia Nelson

Questions to Answer

1. What “glory days” story do you find yourself replaying?
2. What did that season actually cost you, and whom did it cost?
3. What felt need was being met back then, and how might it be met in a healthier way now?

Further Reading

• The Ancient Path: Why Habits Are So Hard to Break — Habits cut deep like sheep tracks. See why they’re hard to break, and how to carve a new path. It’s an Ancient Path.
  
• The Ancient Path: Why the Narrow Way Is Still the Right One — What Jeremiah 6:16’s “ancient paths” mean today — five steps to a slower, harder, more honest way of following God.
  
• 7 Steps to Change and Regroove Your Thinking Patterns — Learn how to rewire your brain and break negative ruts. Discover the “Groove Board” method to change your thinking patterns in 52 days.
  
• God, will it always be like this? Being a slave to despair — Will it always be like this God? Their heart was wanting to know. There was a slave master of despair. Hope is a dance partner of Faith & Love
  
• What is Emotional Pain? — It’s a long way from there to there. Stuck in the middle, we have emotional pain, but we can also have presence. A comfort to the pain of now
  
• The 3 Lies of “I Can’t,” “They Can’t” and “I Won’t”— The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. Can’t is really won’t, but ‘Can’t’ can become ‘Can’. ‘Won’t’ can become ‘Why not try’.