I Don’t Need This In My Life Anymore

I Don’t Need This In My Life Anymore

There comes a time and a place when you say, ‘I don’t need this in my life anymore. That you have options. You are worthy of more than this.

 

It had gone on too long and what was actually abnormal had now become the norm. She had been morphed into a reality that was never meant to be. He had been entranced by some musical flute to follow a fool’s dance tune.

But then a reality lightbulb flicked on. Not a massive lightbulb that you would use to light an entire room, it was more one of those little bulbs you find in a small penlight torch.

It began to glow steady and strong in the soul. She couldn’t put it out. He didn’t want to extinguish it.

But the light grew and grew stronger and stronger until it was so strong that it could not be ignored or turned off.

That light could have various names.

Pick one or two that suit.

  • You’re worth more than this
  • You don’t need this in your life
  • There is something better than this
  • Their dance dirge doesn’t have to be yours
  • Self care is not selfishness
  • Addiction, to anything, doesn’t have to dominate
  • With the right help, with millimetre steps, change can blossom and grow

She walked out of the marriage.

He sought out better friends.

A distaste, even a revulsion, grew in her for the drink, the drugs, the lies, the sex.

He left his job of convenience, safe and boringingly secure.

She left the porn addiction knowing in-to-me-see (intimacy) needed risk if it was to be real.

He lost his taste for boring mincemeat T.V. and wrote poetry until dawn.

She took a pair of scissors to the credit card.

He sold his ‘pride and joy’ classic car and looked to the curves of his wife.

It wasn’t easy. It was hard, hard, hard. Scarey single tightrope hard, but actually the first little steps weren’t as bad as expected.

I don’t need this in my life

He was a little man and had an addiction.

His vice was money, or maybe under money was pride.

Maybe, to make up for the comparisionitis effect of being short, he had developed a little mantra sentence.

‘I may be small in the physical but I’m going to show people how big I really am.
I’m going to become powerful and wealthy and rich and make them grovel at my feet.
I am going to tower above them and feel good.
I’m going to collect the tax they owe me’

But then love came to town.

Then Jesus entered and walked through Jericho.

There was a man there, his name Zacchaeus, the head tax man and quite rich.

He wanted desperately to see Jesus, but the crowd was in his way—he was a short man and couldn’t see over the crowd.

So he ran on ahead and climbed up in a sycamore tree so he could see Jesus when he came by.

When Jesus got to the tree, he looked up and said, “Zacchaeus, hurry down. Today is my day to be a guest in your home.”

Zacchaeus scrambled out of the tree, hardly believing his good luck, delighted to take Jesus home with him.

Everyone who saw the incident was indignant and grumped, “What business does he have getting cozy with this crook?”

Zacchaeus just stood there, a little stunned.

He stammered apologetically, “Master, I give away half my income to the poor—and if I’m caught cheating, I pay four times the damages.”

Jesus said, “Today is salvation day in this home! Here he is: Zacchaeus, son of Abraham! For the Son of Man came to find and restore the lost.” Luke 19:1-10

For Zac, a little lightbulb exploded into full on, all-consuming, 1000 watt, light storm.

His addiction to getting his needs met his way ended.

He had to make amends to those he had stolen from. That’s what happens when love comes to town.

He grabbed his old red electric guitar and belted out these words.

When love comes to town, I’m gonna catch that trainWhen love comes to town, I’m gonna catch that flameMaybe I was wrong to ever let you downBut I did what I did before love came to town B.B. King and U2

 

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Comments?
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barry@turningthepage.co.nz

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Quotes to consider

  • We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are. Anaïs Nin
  • Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. Anais Nin
  • Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. Anais Nin
  • And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin
  • Get out of your own wayGet out of your own way
    I could sing it to you all night, all nightIf I could, I’d make it alright, alrightNothing’s stopping you except what’s insideI can help you, but it’s your fight, your fight
    U2 – Get Out Of Your Own Way

Questions to answer

  1. When have you had a ‘I Don’t Need This In My Life Anymore’ moment?
  2. What would you say to a friend who was trapped in a place where they needed to get out?
  3. Anais Nin writes that ‘Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.’ What builds courage? What tears it down?

Formation exercise

  • Write a short story, maybe a few paragraphs, about a time where you have heard these words ‘ ‘I Don’t Need This In My Life Anymore’

Further reading

That’s Normal and You’re Going to be Ok

Opened Too Early

Please. No Fixing, Advising, Saving or Straightening Out

Barry Pearman

Photo by mahabis footwear on Unsplash

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