Throwing Pearls to Pigs

I know some people who have a pig on their farm. They feed it food scraps and grass. They don’t throw it pearls.

Some people don’t have the capacity to hold precious things. They simply don’t have the wisdom to hold them well.

I think one of the most hurtful and disappointing things that can happen to anyone is when you open up, choose to be vulnerable, and share something deep from your soul, only to have this gift mistreated. You share an “in-to-me-see,” but the other person doesn’t know what to do with it. They don’t even have an understanding of how to grasp the tenderness of what you’ve shared.

There is a sacredness within these moments. It’s a stepping onto holy ground. You are presenting them a pearl—a pearl of great price—but they can’t grasp its beauty. They don’t have eyes to see or the wisdom to care.

Instead, they see something to be eaten. To be consumed like everything else presented to them.

* **The Trampling:** If it’s not of any nutritional value to them, then it’s best trampled into the ground.
* **The Attack:** After doing this trampling, their self-centered demand for food remains, so they attack you for not giving them what they demand: pig slop.
* **The Aftermath:** You are left feeling mauled and violated.

Throwing pearls to pigs

Jesus once said this:

Pearls were very rare in Jesus’ day. Few of his listeners would have seen one, let alone touched one. But they would have heard about them.

As we now know, pearls are formed from the oyster protecting itself from a parasitic worm trying to kill it. A battle between the oyster and the parasite has ensued, and the mollusk suffocates the attacker in layers and layers of calcium carbonate. So many layers that it has now been formed into a beautiful, resilient ball.

What you see, when you see a pearl, is a piece of battle art. A battle of creation has taken place. Isn’t the struggle worthy of deep appreciation?

Jesus is saying to not give your deepest value to those who won’t treat it with the same value you do.

I’ve done this at times. I remember sharing a pearl with someone and then, a little while later, found that it had been gossiped about to others. The “oyster shell” of my heart closed to them, and others. It remains closed to them and people like them.

I learned a valuable lesson: Not everyone is able to handle the deep stuff of life. Some people aren’t equipped to carry the fire you have been called to carry. Forgive them anyway.

Let them have their trip

At times throughout my life, I have been deeply ministered to through the work of Rob Bell. It’s like he creates a piece of content just at the very right time for a need I have. One of those pieces of content was a podcast called “Let them have their trip.”

* Pigs are pigs. They will never appreciate pearls. They are on a piggy trip.
* Dogs are dogs. They will never appreciate pearls. They are on a doggy trip.
* Some people will never get you or what you are on about. Let them have their trip.

If you want to understand coal, talk to a coal miner.

Everyone of us has something deeply beautiful and important within us, and we need pearl merchants to seek it out—someone who knows the difference between the real thing and plastic make-believe.

If you keep throwing pearls to pigs, then be ready for them to trample over you and then attack you.

By the way, to switch it around: Are you being continually mauled by others? Do you feel what you offer others is treated with disdain and contempt? Perhaps you are throwing pearls to pigs.

The saddest thing I continue to find in talking to people is finding those who have closed themselves, much like an oyster shell does, to the possibility of being known, explored, discovered, and touched.

How to be safe with others’ pearls

Someone comes to you and you sense the “oyster shell” of their heart beginning to open. They want to share something deep with you. Here are some thoughts on being a safe harbor for them:

1. Don’t be in a rush. Make time, generous time, to sit with the oyster shell and let it open in its own good time. It may take months, even years.

2. Don’t F.A.S.S. them. Don’t come with an attitude of wanting to Fix them, Advise them, Save them, or Set them straight. They may want you to do that, but resist the pull. Something deeper is needed here. You can read more about this on my post about not fixing, advising, or saving others. It’s a place of holy ground where a dance is being played out. Allow it to sing.

3. Do ask gently curious questions. Not harsh statements. Not demanding words, but gentle questions that invite them to feel safe, be open, and expose the “in-to-me-see.”

4. Do be open to conversion. Take this quote into consideration:

I want to learn from the oyster and the pearl. To do this, I have to be willing to be converted. To stop being a pig and instead become a pearl merchant willing to sell everything they have to purchase the pearl. Safe conversations work both ways.

I have this beautiful pearl

Quotes to consider

• The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference. — Elie Wiesel
• We get in trouble whenever we forget that God never gave us the power or the right to change anyone. That is His job! — Michael Liimatta
• Be there for others but never leave yourself behind. — Dodinsky
• People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
  If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
  If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies. Succeed anyway.
  If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. Be honest and frank anyway.
  What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight. Build anyway.
  If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
  The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway.
  Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the best you’ve got anyway.
  You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.

Questions to answer

1. Where have you experienced a “throwing your pearls to pigs” experience and what was the response?

2. What makes a person safe for you to share your “pearls” with?

3. What are your pearls? Everyone has them. Can you identify something good that has grown out of something that wanted to take you out, like a parasite?

Formation exercise

When you are with someone this week and you are having a conversation, imagine they are like an oyster shell. There is a precious pearl within them. Something, if known, could be enjoyed and honored. Think upon the four suggestions I made about being a safe pearl merchant. See if you can discover the pearl within the other.

Further reading

• The Parable of the Pearl of Great Price Being Sought
• From Parasite to Pearl: Finding Beauty in the Struggle
• Stringing Pearls for The Delight of Heaven (Rake the Muck)

Photo by Pascal Debrunner on Unsplash