Throwing Pearls to Pigs: Finding Safe People

I know some people who have a pig on their farm. They feed it food scraps and grass. They don’t throw it pearls.

Some people don’t have the capacity to hold precious things. They simply don’t have the wisdom to hold them well.

In short: Not everyone who receives your vulnerability is equipped to hold it well. Jesus’s teaching about “throwing pearls to pigs” (Matthew 7:6) is a warning to be wise about who you share your deepest self with — and a guide to becoming a safe person for others. Protecting your vulnerability isn’t unkindness; it’s wisdom.

I think one of the most hurtful and disappointing things that can happen to anyone is when you open up, choose to be vulnerable, and share something deep from your soul, only to have this gift mistreated. You share an “in-to-me-see,” but the other person doesn’t know what to do with it. They don’t even have an understanding of how to grasp the tenderness of what you’ve shared.

There is a sacredness within these moments. It’s a stepping onto holy ground. You are presenting them a pearl — a pearl of great price — but they can’t grasp its beauty. They don’t have eyes to see or the wisdom to care.

Instead, they see something to be eaten. To be consumed like everything else presented to them.

The Trampling: If it’s not of any nutritional value to them, then it’s best trampled into the ground.
The Attack: After doing this trampling, their self-centered demand for food remains, so they attack you for not giving them what they demand: pig slop.
The Aftermath: You are left feeling mauled and violated.

What does “throwing pearls to pigs” actually mean?
Why is a pearl the right symbol for vulnerability?
What if someone will never understand your struggle?
How do you become a safe person for someone else’s pearls?
A poem: I Have This Beautiful Pearl
Quotes to consider
Questions to answer
Formation exercise
Frequently asked questions
Further reading

What does “throwing pearls to pigs” actually mean?

Jesus once said this:

Do not give what is holy to dogs; and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under foot and turn and maul you. — Matthew 7:6

Pearls were very rare in Jesus’ day. Few of his listeners would have seen one, let alone touched one. But they would have heard about them. Jesus is saying to not give your deepest value to those who won’t treat it with the same value you do.

Why is a pearl the right symbol for vulnerability?

A pearl is formed from an oyster protecting itself from a parasitic worm trying to kill it. A battle between the oyster and the parasite has ensued, and the mollusk suffocates the attacker in layers and layers of calcium carbonate — so many layers that it has now been formed into a beautiful, resilient ball.

What you see, when you see a pearl, is a piece of battle art. A battle of creation has taken place. Isn’t the struggle worthy of deep appreciation? Your vulnerability works the same way — it’s formed out of struggle, and that’s exactly why it deserves to be handled with care.

I’ve done this at times. I remember sharing a pearl with someone and then, a little while later, found that it had been gossiped about to others. The “oyster shell” of my heart closed to them, and others. It remains closed to them and people like them.

I learned a valuable lesson: not everyone is able to handle the deep stuff of life. Some people aren’t equipped to carry the fire you have been called to carry. Forgive them anyway.

What if someone will never understand your struggle?

At times throughout my life, I have been deeply ministered to through the work of Rob Bell. It’s like he creates a piece of content just at the very right time for a need I have. One of those pieces of content was a podcast called “Let them have their trip.”

i’ve listened to that podcast countless times.

One of the major conclusions I have reached is this.

Pigs are pigs. They will never appreciate pearls. They are on a piggy trip.
Dogs are dogs. They will never appreciate pearls. They are on a doggy trip.
Some people will never get you or what you are on about. Let them have their trip.

If you want to understand coal, talk to a coal miner. Everyone of us has something deeply beautiful and important within us, and we need pearl merchants to seek it out — someone who knows the difference between the real thing and plastic make-believe.

If you keep throwing pearls to pigs, then be ready for them to trample over you and then attack you.

By the way, to switch it around: are you being continually mauled by others?

Do you feel what you offer others is treated with disdain and contempt?

Perhaps you are throwing pearls to pigs.

The saddest thing I continue to find in talking to people is finding those who have closed themselves, much like an oyster shell does, to the possibility of being known, explored, discovered, and touched.

How do you become a safe person for someone else’s pearls?

Someone comes to you and you sense the “oyster shell” of their heart beginning to open. They want to share something deep with you. Here are four practices for being a safe harbor for them.

1. Don’t be in a rush

Make time, generous time, to sit with the oyster shell and let it open in its own good time. It may take months, even years.

2. Don’t F.A.S.S. them

Don’t come with an attitude of wanting to Fix them, Advise them, Save them, or Set them straight. They may want you to do that, but resist the pull. Something deeper is needed here. You can read more about this in my post on not fixing, advising, or saving others. It’s a place of holy ground where a dance is being played out. Allow it to sing.

3. Do ask gently curious questions

Not harsh statements. Not demanding words, but gentle questions that invite them to feel safe, be open, and expose the “in-to-me-see.”

4. Do be open to conversion

Take this quote into consideration:

True conversation always puts the conversants at risk, because you cannot truly converse without the risk of conversion. — Lee Bernard J., Cowan Michael A. Gathered and sent: the mission of small church communities today.

I want to learn from the oyster and the pearl. To do this, I have to be willing to be converted. To stop being a pig and instead become a pearl merchant willing to sell everything they have to purchase the pearl. Safe conversations work both ways.

A poem: I Have This Beautiful Pearl

I have this beautiful pearl
It cost me everything
It fills a vacuum in my heart
Wisdom glowing in the dark

I have this beautiful pearl
People call me a fool
But they have not seen what I’ve seen
When wisdom stepped in the room

Pigs won’t ever understand
The beauty of my pearl
They have not been where I’ve been
This beauty to unfurl

I have this beautiful pearl
Some say ‘Sell it to feed the Poor’
But they know not the wisdom that can flow out
From the struggle with God’s lore

I have a beautiful pearl
I want to share its glow
Would you give up some time
For it for you to know

Wisdom is this pearl
Seek for it if you dare
You won’t find it in a pigsty
Or in the Satan’s lair

Seek and you will find
A beautiful pearl just right for you
An open hand is what you’ll need
For wisdom to meet with you

I have a beautiful pearl
I will hide it in my heart
I will share it with the very few
Pearl merchants just like you

— Barry Pearman

Quotes to consider

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference. — Elie Wiesel

We get in trouble whenever we forget that God never gave us the power or the right to change anyone. That is His job! — Michael Liimatta

Be there for others but never leave yourself behind. — Dodinsky

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight. Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway. – Mother Teresa

Questions to answer

Where have you experienced a “throwing your pearls to pigs” experience, and what was the response?
What makes a person safe for you to share your “pearls” with?
What are your pearls? Everyone has them. Can you identify something good that has grown out of something that wanted to take you out, like a parasite?

Formation exercise

When you are with someone this week and you are having a conversation, imagine they are like an oyster shell. There is a precious pearl within them. Something, if known, could be enjoyed and honored. Think upon the four suggestions made above about being a safe pearl merchant. See if you can discover the pearl within the other.

Frequently asked questions

What does the Bible mean by “don’t cast your pearls before swine”?

It’s Jesus’s teaching in Matthew 7:6, warning against giving your holiest, most valuable things — including your vulnerability — to people who won’t recognise their worth and may respond by attacking you for it. It’s a call to use discernment about who you open up to, not a call to stop being vulnerable altogether.

How do I know if someone is safe to share my vulnerability with?

A safe person is unhurried, doesn’t try to fix, advise, save, or set you straight, asks gently curious questions instead of making demands, and is willing to be changed by the conversation themselves. If someone consistently gossips about what you share, dismisses it, or attacks you for it, that’s a sign they aren’t a safe place for your pearls right now.

What should I do if I’ve already shared something deep with the wrong person?

Forgive them, even while closing that particular door. Not everyone is equipped to carry the weight of what you’ve shared, and that says something about their capacity, not about the worth of your story. Protecting your peace going forward is wisdom, not punishment.

Can throwing pearls to pigs happen even with good intentions?

Yes. Someone doesn’t have to be malicious to mishandle a pearl — they may simply lack the wisdom, maturity, or emotional capacity to hold it well. Recognising this can help you extend grace rather than only feeling betrayed.

Throwing Pearls to Pigs: Finding Safe People for Your Vulnerability

Contents