There’s a Gum Tree Shadow Hanging Over Me

There's a Gum Tree Shadow Hanging Over Me light

We can live warped lives because of a shadow hanging over us, but that shadow can be removed if we face what’s causing the shadow and allow the light to flood in.

Have you ever walked in a shadow?

Of course you have, but you probably didn’t take much notice of it. We do it all the time.

What about filtered light? Light that has been defused and filtered as it has passed through clouds. Again yes.

We don’t notice it because we are used to it. It’s commonplace and the norm. Continue reading “There’s a Gum Tree Shadow Hanging Over Me”

When the Confessor Goes Rogue

When the Confessor Goes Rogue

We need to share the pain of life with someone, but what happens when the confessor, the one we are exposing our heart to, goes rogue. We need to be careful with who we share our heart with.

What they thought was being said in private was now being passed around like appetizers at a dinner party. Everyone had a munch and nibble, then passed the plate on for another’s perusal.

They were locked down now. Having exposed their heart, they had got hurt and had made a vow never to be open again.

To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything, and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal.
Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.
Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

But something had died within them. It was a willingness to trust and, therefore, to know love and give love. They allowed others to come only as close as they felt safe. Functionality, not intimacy.  Continue reading “When the Confessor Goes Rogue”

Learning to Detach Helps with Anxiety

Learning to Detach Helps with Anxiety

Anxiety can make you want to control, but learning to detach can bring peace. Perhaps you care too much and it’s time to let go.

She was holding on tightly. Too tightly. It was care, it was love, but in that embrace, she was suffocating the life out of the other, and destroying peace in herself.

She was not allowing the other to find their way through the pains of growth.

I know what it’s like. You become so emotionally attached to someone that they are glued to your soul. In a good sense, its love, but on the dark side, it can lead to control, manipulation, anxiety, worry, and fear.  Continue reading “Learning to Detach Helps with Anxiety”

Stop ‘Shoulding’ and Start ‘Coulding’ Yourself

Stop 'Shoulding' and Start 'Coulding' Yourself should could

‘Shoulds’ can pile up on the shoulders and shape our thinking. But we have efficacy. We have the power to make a change and stop ‘shoulding.’ We don’t have to live under the slavery of a ‘should.’

It was always the same message. ‘You should be doing better.’ 

‘You’re not getting as good as grades as Bill and Clive runs faster than you. What’s the matter with you? You’re just not trying hard enough’. 

Taken on as messages of personal performance, we start to ‘should’ on ourselves. We compare ourselves to others and make judgments about our performance. 

‘Well, at least I’m not like them’ or ‘I’m not as good as them.’ The pendulum swings from pride to self-loathing. 

We are given very clear messages about who we are to measure up against, and it is always someone else.  Continue reading “Stop ‘Shoulding’ and Start ‘Coulding’ Yourself”

Washing the Memories Free of Trauma

Washing the Memories Free of Trauma

Some trauma memories keep us locked into our past. But there is a cleansing that can happen. We need to bring ourselves to the presence of one who will wash us pure.

I didn’t know what to do when they were sharing some of the stories of their past. I had known this person for decades, but only now, they were sharing something new, painful, and full of trauma.

It explained why they held certain beliefs, behaved in specific ways, and seemed to be haunted by a ghost of the past.

What could I do to help them with the wafting stench of an old trauma that was once again drowning their present?

You want to go back and stop the trauma, but there is no time machine.

Perhaps a quick prayer and get out of the trauma zone A.S.A.P.

‘This person needs professional help,’ and a thought of an escape route appears. Continue reading “Washing the Memories Free of Trauma”

Your Failures in Life Need Love

Failure in Life Needs Love shame

One failure in life seems to collect another failure, but love can cut through any collection of failures. We need to listen for the shame that has been collected then meet it with heartwarming arms.

If you can talk about failure, you can talk about anything.

As he opened up and talked about his failures, I wondered what I was supposed to do.

Questions rumbled through my mind.

  • Was he genuine?
  • Was he seeking sympathy?
  • What wasn’t he telling me?
  • Was this a pity party?

No, he owned the failures. He was taking responsibility for the mess he had made of life, and he just wanted me to know.

She told me the story of a time where she had made a terrible decision.  Now, this failure had other failures clinging to it. The weight of it was taking her down. She wanted me to know.  Continue reading “Your Failures in Life Need Love”

Don’t be Loyal to the Delusions of an Emperor in Undies

Loyal Delusions Emperor Undies truth

When we are loyal to our lies, we are like an emperor in undies. Delusions believed as truth will destroy. We need to be open to others gently telling us when we have been conned.

One of my favorite stories from Hans Christian Andersen is “The Emperor’s New Clothes.”

Here is the brief overview as told by Wikipedia.

A vain emperor who cares too much about wearing and displaying clothes hires two weavers who claim to make the most beautiful clothes and elaborate patterns.

The weavers are con-men who convince the emperor they are using a fine fabric invisible to anyone who is either unfit for his position or “hopelessly stupid.” Continue reading “Don’t be Loyal to the Delusions of an Emperor in Undies”

Life’s not Fair! There is a Mystery to be Known

Life's not Fair! There is a Mystery to be Known

Life’s not fair, and there is mystery involved. When we know there is a bigger story going on then perhaps grace can heal the wounds.

It was always the same conversation. Life’s not fair.

They didn’t just carry a chip on their shoulder, it was a gigantic log, and it filled them with bitterness and anger.

It was their employer, the kids, the church in general, the church down the road, the pastor of the church, the people who went to the church.

They wanted something; maybe it was fairness. Perhaps it was justice, a balancing of the scales, in their favor. Continue reading “Life’s not Fair! There is a Mystery to be Known”

Mental Health is … Giving Grace to Failure and Rethinking Expectations

Mental Health is ... Giving Grace to Failure and Rethinking Expectations

When we have realistic expectations, we can build resilience and an internal wisdom that is gentle with our humanity. We can grace ourselves and others when there is a failure to meet expectations.

What caused the breakdown?

Was it a genetic weakness? The piling up of expectations? Lack of sleep, physical fitness, diet? The list can go and on and is endless.

We put on the shiny superman cape and fend off stress bullets and then wonder why we have holes in the heart.

So … Continue reading “Mental Health is … Giving Grace to Failure and Rethinking Expectations”

Wallowing in the past won’t add to your future

Wallowing in the past won’t add to your future

There is a time for everything, but wallowing in your past will create an endless rut of misery. Isn’t it time to allow God, who knows all, to take the unknowns and allow you to walk in today?

I always like a good wallow, don’t you?

It’s like a warm, comfortable blanket that wraps itself snuggly around your soul. Ah, so reassuring to have a good wallow.

You’ve been there so many times it feels like home.

Wallowing seems to come easily too. One moment everything is ok and then without realizing you are stuck in that gluggy mire of yesteryear. Continue reading “Wallowing in the past won’t add to your future”