The "Monkey Circus" of the Mind: Finding Peace in Psalm 121

Our minds can feel like a monkey circus at times, but perhaps Psalm 121 can bring some quiet to our anxiety.

Off went my thoughts.

Every time I thought about this situation, my mind would take my thoughts on a meandering yet whirlwind dance.

Monkeys swinging in the circus of my mind.

First they would spiral, and then they would swing out into all sorts of scenarios.

This could happen, or that could happen.

All being played out like a grand drama on the stage of consciousness.

Anxiety and worry swirling around and through the storyline.

Then, once more into the deep troughs of despair, depression, and self-loathing.

Then the dance begins again with anxiety.

Planning, controlling, manipulating, all to keep me safe.

I recently asked someone this question.

How much are you a slave to the God of being in control?

We like to be in control, don’t we? To have absolute certainty. It calms us.

But then we project this need for control onto others like a movie onto a screen.

Here is the script you must follow in order for me to feel safe

So often our concern for others may well be more of a reflection of a self-centred need for certainty.

Have you ever noticed how you sometimes feel like a projection screen?

People projecting their fears, worries, stress on to you?

Being told what to do for the sake of their security.

Surely their mental wellness is ultimately their responsibility?

We can so easily become the monkeys in someone else’s circus.

Co-dependent on their dance.

Perhaps it’s better to know our own circus and become the ringmaster of our own troupe of clowns, monkeys, and prancing ponies.

Psalm 121 Mountains

Most days I spend sometime reading poetry. Specifically, I read or listen to a poem in the Book of Psalms.

Here we find heart talk.

Poetry is like that.

Highs of ecstatic worship to lows of suicidal despair. All the swings and swirls of human experience are gathered in this ancient text.

I come to Psalm 121.

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
from where will my help come?
²My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.

³He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴He who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade at your right hand.
⁶The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
⁸The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time on and for evermore. Psalm 121

I have been reading and meditating on this poem for the past week. Mulling over it during the night when the circus monkeys want to take me on a wild dance.

It’s that first verse that grabbed me.

‘I lift up my eyes to the hills’, or in some versions it’s ‘mountains’.

I have hills, mountains in my life.

Towering places that seem small and are actually quite beautiful from a distance, but as you get nearer and more engaged with the physicality of them, they may well feel overwhelming, scary, and anxiety inducing.

In and through the mountains and hills are valleys. Some of them are very dark.

A poet writes of dark valleys.

I walk through the darkest valley Psalm 23:4

Being Kept

In our anxiety, in our depression, we want to be kept. To know someone or something that holds us safe and secure.

A word that repeats itself throughout Psalm 121 is the word ‘Keep’

He who keeps you
He who keeps Israel
The Lord is your keeper
The Lord will keep you
He will keep your life
The Lord will keep

In the original language of the text, Hebrew, this word ‘Keep’ had different meanings.

To keep means to have a hedge around you.

To be kept as a beautiful garden is kept by a gardener.

There is a keeping in which we can be secure.

Where do my eyes drift?

I remember when I visited Colorado many years ago.

The mountains, from a distance, were beautiful, but when you got up close, when you entered into them, then the feelings changed.

You looked up and not out.

Looking up, you feel engulfed by the height.

Add in a thunderstorm, and the booming can frighten you to the core. Those who have lived there for sometime seem quite oblivious to the drama.

I look up at some of the mountains in my life. Some are fear inducing.

I drop my gaze to look at my keeper. To the providential life in which I am kept.

Where I focus, I will go.

If I keep focusing on the height of the mountains, then I will lose focus on the here and now.

I can either choose to live in the fear of something falling on me or in the groundedness of the next step in the dust of today.

I have a keeper

I have a keeper
He surrounds me like a hedge
I would be crushed and overrun
If thorns had not been bent

I have a champion
One who will plead my cause
One who knows the fullness
Of all that has gone before

Why do I fret?
Why do I worry?
Why do I give room to ruminate?
On what you already carry

You do not slumber
You do not sleep
Everloving Shepherd
Stumbling fragile sheep

I shift my eyes
To see your help
Hedged in, safe, secure
I am known, I am felt

Quotes to consider

The people who are going to be most controlled by their fears are the ones who don’t admit them and deal with them. Richard Rohr -Job and the Mystery of Suffering

The past describes what happened. It does not decide what will happen. Rob Bell

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened. Michel de Montaigne

“There was a very cautious man
Who never laughed or played
He never risked, he never tried,
He never sang or prayed.

And when he on day passed away,
His insurance was denied,
For since he never really lived,
They claimed he never really died. (Anonymous poem)”

Control eventually gives way to mystery and the letting go of control. Suddenly, we are not in charge. Rohr, Richard . The Wisdom Pattern

Detachment frees us from the control of others. No longer can we be manipulated by people who hold our livelihoods in their hands. Things do not entice our imaginations, people do not dominate our destinies. Richard Foster

Questions to answer

Do you have a circus of thoughts in your mind? Are you the ringmaster or the spectator?
What would it be like to know fully 100% that you are kept?
In all truth, what are you in control of?

Formation exercise

Read Psalm 121 every day this week before going to bed. Pick a verse that grabs your attention. Memorize it and let it sink deep into the circus of thoughts.

Thinking compass insight

Add these insights to your thinking compass

I am kept, I am held, I am known, I am loved
What I focus on gets me
Focus on the negatives/ challenges will always take me down
Focus on the positive/ good things will always give hope.