When You See Into Their Mist – Who They Are Becoming

When You See Into Their Mist Who They Are Becoming


There is a mask or even a mist that we can see something quite wondrous when we see behind or through, but it takes awareness to see the vision of what they are becoming.

There is a drive I take every week to a farm and garden out in the countryside. I leave home early in the morning when it is dark and often arrive at daybreak.

It’s a beautiful drive going over hills, through valleys, and besides a stream with sailboats nestled into wooded banks. But it’s particularly beautiful on those mornings when there is a little bit of mist just sitting above the paddocks and on the river. I have to stop and quietly soak in the beauty.

As the sun begins to light up the sky, the darkness starts to retreat.

It’s light, its movement, it’s a time of transition from night into day. The fog sits and clings to the trees, and I know that within a few minutes, it will be gone.

It’s a special time of day, and so many people miss it. They are asleep to the glory and beauty around them. Or perhaps they are busy with getting ready for the day.

By the time they on the same road that I have traveled, the beauty has moved on, never to be seen quite like that again.

We hurry by, don’t we? It takes a conscious decision to slow down, stop, and take it in.

Many people need to be seen behind the dark or even the daylight of their presentation. Continue reading “When You See Into Their Mist – Who They Are Becoming”

Falling to the Oldest Trick in the Book. Ministry or Manipulation

Falling to the Oldest Trick in the Book. Ministry or Manipulation

We’ve all fallen to the oldest trick in the book, but we need to know the oldest truth in the book. Knowing the difference between ministry and manipulation.

I watched them do it. They said a few words, suggested some options, smiled in a certain way, and waited. It wasn’t long before they had what they wanted. They had laid out the bait, and the person had grabbed it.

I then wondered how many times people had fallen to this subtle and sly manipulation. They were such an expert at it. Their success, their control was based on their ability to get others to do what they wanted them to do.

What’s it like to find out you’ve been manipulated?

To have someone use all sorts of little tricks and techniques to further their own cause. Continue reading “Falling to the Oldest Trick in the Book. Ministry or Manipulation”

You’re Being Too Naked in Your Vulnerability

You're Being Too Naked in Your Vulnerability vulnerable

They were too naked in their vulnerability. Too much too soon, but with careful listening, time, and respect, they began to feel deeply known.

They had been too naked with their vulnerability. They thought they were safe with this friend, that what they shared wouldn’t be exposed. But it was told to others, and now they had closed up and remained unknown.

When you’re naked, you’re open to critique, you’re vulnerable to both rejection and acceptance, and you’re never quite sure which way it will swing.

So now they share with no one. Everything is masked up and hidden away.

Secret thoughts, passions, desires, longings, and questions (lots of questions) stay behind the walls.

Perhaps one day, they will find the presence of someone that can listen to the naked vulnerability of their story and sacrificially clothe them with acceptance. Continue reading “You’re Being Too Naked in Your Vulnerability”

The God Who Enters My Shame

The God Who Enters My Shame

It was my shame, but it wasn’t to be carried alone. I had a friend who knew it all, and God entered in and healed the pain.

I was being laughed at. I was only a seven-year-old, but for the first time, I felt the cold icy winds of being mocked and shamed.

The situation was that it was my school assembly and I thought our class had won a prize for some art project. So I got up from sitting on the floor and started to walk to the front.

Within seconds I realized that I was the only one standing and moving.

Slinking back to sit on the floor, I felt every eye was on me. I felt very alone and stupid. Kids were laughing and making sport of me.

That was the first time I remember being exposed to the humiliation of getting it wrong. I went on to have many other moments of shame.

Like a bumper boat being shoved from one intrusive experience to the next, our little life gets bumped and bruised along a passage of painful moments. Continue reading “The God Who Enters My Shame”

God Will Never Leave You and Here is Why

God Will Never Leave You and Here is Why

Many people fear that God will leave them, but you have a very good reason why this will not happen. God has a reputation to uphold. A reputation of perfect love.

Deep, deep down, I think one of my greatest fears is that of abandonment. That I will be kicked out of the tribe, the family, the grouping, I will be alone.

Like a leper cast out of the town, I will be on the outside whilst everyone else is enjoying community on the inside. The party is going on, but the door is shut and bolted to entry.

Dig into the deep longings of your heart, and I think you will find a similar fear. We were created to enjoy a party going on, not the sterility of an isolation ward. Continue reading “God Will Never Leave You and Here is Why”

Dreams, Visions, and Revelations. How they can help

Dreams, visions, and revelations. How they can help

Dreams, visions, and revelations are part of our lives, but what do we do with them? We can treasure them and find their help.

Each night as I am about to sleep, I pray a simple two-word prayer – ‘Spirit come.’ I then emotionally see myself being cocooned inside wide and welcoming arms like a little child that needs deep love and assurance.

I have puzzled over why these are the two words I pray, and I think it’s the desire to enter my new day within the embrace of Spirit (Holy).

See more about entering your day by going to sleep here.

I generally drift off in this prayerful embrace, but a few nights ago, I met a crocodile. Continue reading “Dreams, Visions, and Revelations. How they can help”

When God is like a Drill Sergeant

When God is like a Drill Sergeant

For many, God can be like a drill sergeant, demanding and harsh, but that is a flawed understanding of God. When we look closely at the diamond, we can see other facets.

If you follow the rules and commands, then everything will be ok. Step out of line and watch out.

I’ve talked with many people about their understanding of what God is like, and after much discussion, we often hone the description down to being one of God being like a Drill Sergeant.

It’s a heart description; it’s how they feel about God. They may have an intellectual knowledge of God being love and compassion etc., but when you get down to a metaphor to describe God, it’s something akin to being like a drill sergeant.  Continue reading “When God is like a Drill Sergeant”

A Tribute to a Friend – Dr. Larry Crabb

It was a time to pivot, change, alter course. Dr. Larry Crabb met me at the junction. Larry went to be with his Papa, Jesus, and Spirit on Sunday, February 28, 2021.

There are times I believe that God brings people across our path that have a long-lasting impact on our journey.

I had just begun my pastoral ministry in 1998. I had the role of being a Community Chaplain in a large church where my focus was to provide pastoral care for those in our local area that had significant Mental Illnesses and disabilities.

I was to develop a church community where people could come and feel at home. Teaching, pastoral care, and support that was specifically focused on the needs of this community.

Prior to this, I had been a support worker helping people with serious Mental Illnesses with their daily lives.

Over and over again, I would see them try to be part of Church communities only to see them not truly connect.

Some church people would rescue them, preach at them, moralize them, and tell them to ‘try harder.’

In the end, Churches and the people in them weren’t safe.

I was then handed a book by a former student of Dr. Larry Crabb. The book was Connecting. Healing Ourselves and Our Relationships

In this book, Larry also talks about a pivot in this thinking. A subtle shift away from psychology to what he would later call Soul Care.

In recent days, I have made a shift. I am now working toward the day when communities of God’s people, ordinary Christians whose lives regularly intersect, will accomplish most of the good that we now depend on mental health professionals to provide. And they will do it by connecting with each other in ways that only the gospel makes possible.

I envision a community of people who intentionally mingle in settings where these nutrients are passed back and forth, where I pour into you the healing resources within me and you pour into me what God has put in you.

But that’s not what I’m doing. I have strong reason to suspect that Christians sitting dutifully in church congregations, for whom “going to church” means doing a variety of spiritual activities, have been given resources that if released could powerfully heal broken hearts, overcome the damage done by abusive backgrounds, encourage the depressed to courageously move forward, stimulate the lonely to reach out, revitalize discouraged teens and children with new and holy energy, and introduce hope into the lives of the countless people who feel rejected, alone, and useless.

Maybe “going to church,” more than anything else, means relating to several people in your life differently. Maybe the center of Christian community is connecting with a few.

Beneath what our culture calls psychological disorder is a soul crying out for what only community can provide. There is no “disorder” requiring “treatment.” And, contrary to hard-line moralism, there is more to our struggles than a stubborn will needing firm admonishment. Beneath all our problems, there are desperately hurting souls that must find the nourishment only community can provide—or die.

We must do something other than train professional experts to fix damaged psyches. Damaged psyches aren’t the problem.

The problem beneath our struggles is a disconnected soul. And we must do something more than exhort people to do what’s right and then hold them accountable. Groups tend to emphasize accountability when they don’t know how to relate. Better behavior through exhortation isn’t the solution, though it sometimes is part of it. Rather than fixing psyches or scolding sinners, we must provide nourishment for the disconnected soul that only a community of connected people can offer.

The crisis of care in modern culture, especially in the Western church, will not be resolved by training more therapists.

We do not need a counseling center on every corner.

It will be worsened by moralists who never reach deeply into the hearts of people in their efforts to impose their standards of behavior on others, even when those standards are biblical.

The greatest need in modern civilization is the development of communities— true communities where the heart of God is home, where the humble and wise learn to shepherd those on the path behind them, where trusting strugglers lock arms with others as together they journey on. Dr. Larry Crabb. Connecting. Healing Ourselves and Our Relationships.

I was hooked.

He had connected with the thoughts and ideas swirling around in my thinking.

From there, I read everything I could lay my hands on. He was my mentor. I traveled from here in New Zealand to Colorado Springs twice to sit under his teaching.

I don’t believe anyone else has influenced me so greatly in my spiritual formation as Larry.

The picture that captures us

Recently there has been a huge outpouring of love and memories on the Larry Crabb Appreciation club. Images shared, and stories told.

One image speaks so much.

Larry Crabb by Janet Trenda

‘A sweet memory from my time at SSD [School of Spiritual Direction]- catching Larry early in the morning handwriting, rewriting- his notes for the day. His passion and dedication are clearly shown here’. Janet Trenda

A special memory for me was when I attended the School of Spiritual Direction in 2004 at Glen Eyrie, Colorado Springs.

I had a very special one-to-one session with Larry. I went into this lovely lounge where Larry took off his shoes, put his feet up on the coffee table, and we had a chat.

Then the thunder rolled. In those Rocky mountains, the thunderclaps were incredible. I have never heard thunder like it.

I don’t remember much of what was said, but I do remember the atmosphere Larry brought to our time. Relaxed, friendly, gently inquisitive, unforced, shoes off, and love.


Over the years, I have collected many quotes from the writings of Larry Crabb. Many of which have been sp[rinkled through the blog posts.

Here are but a few.

    • Real encouragement occurs when words are spoken from a heart of love to another’s recognized fear. Larry Crabb
    • God has solutions for people who admit they have problems. Larry Crabb
    • Our primary purpose is not to use God to solve our problems, but to move through our problems toward finding God. Larry Crabb
    • A marriage bound together by commitments to exploit the other for filling one’s own needs (and I fear that most marriages are built on such a basis) can legitimately be described as a “tic on a dog” relationship.
      Just as a hungry tic clamps on to a nourishing host in anticipation of a meal, so each partner unites with the other in the expectation of finding what his or her personal nature demands.
      The rather frustrating dilemma, of course, is that in such a marriage there are two tics and no dog!
      Larry Crabb, The Marriage Builder
    • Spiritual friends see a facet of Christ in us and bring it out as no one else can. And they delight to do so. When they see what is unique about us, it causes them great delight; and then, giving away to the powers of daring imagination, they envision what we could become. The vision excites them – with Paul, they see us where we are and feel the pains of labor till Christ is formed in us (Gal. 4:19). Larry Crabb. The Safest Place on Earth
    • Brokenness is a condition, one that is always there, inside, beneath the surface, carefully hidden for as long as we can keep a facade in place. We live in brokenness. We just don’t always see it, either in ourselves or in others. Larry Crabb
    • A central task of community is to create a place that is safe enough for the walls to be torn down, safe enough for each of us to own, and reveal our brokenness. Larry Crabb
    • Supernatural goals need supernatural resources. Dr. Larry Crabb

    Larry Crabb Appreciation Club

    As an administrator of the Appreciation Club on Facebook, I recently asked the members for their favorite quotes and sentences.

    Here are a few of them.

  • Where is your red dot?
  • “Confused people listen better.”
  • May we learn to dance with the Trinity!
  • “Put Jesus on display.”
  • Make a Margin for Uncertainty: Open Heart: Women are created to be relationally open and inviting!
  • “Hush God is in it” by his late grandfather.
  • “We have all been sinned against. We all sin. You have failed to love me as you should, and I have failed to love you. Your failure to love me is painful, sometimes profoundly disappointing. But the Lord‘s love for me is perfect. Although his love does not remove the sting of your failure, it gives me all I need to stand as a whole person, capable of loving you regardless of the threat of your further failure.” From Inside Out. 
  • Too many marriages are like two ticks and no dog. 
  • God meets you where you really are – not where you think you should be.
  •  Words that open doors transmit two messages: 1.‘I am interested in whatever you have to say.’ 2.’I will accept you regardless of what you say.’” Larry Crabb
  • The greatest lie believed today is that one can know God without being known by someone else. Larry Crabb Soul Talk
  • The compelling vision is . . . maybe, because of our conversations, we can want God more than we want any lesser blessing. Larry Crabb 
  • “Demand nothing here. Expect everything there. Surrender all rights to justice, to loving treatment from others to fulfilling ministry, to all the good things of this life, and you will be given tastes of the good things to come. That is how you taste the Lord and discover that He is good. It is those tastes that fill you with sustaining hope until you’re welcomed to the banquet.” 
  • “Embrace your Inadequacy.”
  • “Your pain is the distance between what you were created to have, Eden, and what you have now. Our hearts groan in anticipation of what lies ahead, our true home, heaven.”

Larger Story

As part of planning to continue his legacy of teaching, a few years ago, Larry’s son Kep established a new ministry called Larger Story.

Larger Story will serve as the legacy of the thinking and writing and training and counseling I’ve been doing now for 50 years. Larry Crabb

At Larger Story, they have amassed the many books, countless sermons and talks, and numerous videos Larry has done.

Find out more about Larger Story here. 

Hot coffee and Elvis

A few final thoughts.

Larry liked his coffee hot!

He also enjoyed Elvis and slow dancing with his students while singing ‘Are you lonesome tonight.’

The final sentence in his last book ‘Waiting for Heaven‘ was this.

Over time, anticipate becoming aware of actually meeting Jesus, face to face, and allow the “sheer delight” to move you toward WAITING FOR HEAVEN.

Thank you, Larry. Enjoy the sheer delight of being with Jesus face to face.

Barry Pearman

Get a weekly email full of help for your Mental Health and Spiritual formation

* indicates required

Money Falling From The Sky and a Hope Deferred

Money Falling from The Sky and a Hope Deferred heart sick

When hope is deferred, our heart grows sick, but when we see and know the hope fulfilled in the now, we can build resilience to the struggles of the day. 

People traveled long distances hoping to get some of the money ‘falling from the sky.’ 

A few nights ago, I watched a news item about a publicity marketing stunt that made a seemingly genuine promise and failed to deliver.

A company had promised.

‘New Zealand’s first mass cash drop.’

‘We’re dropping $105,891.40 [$74,558.13 USD] in value from the sky’

‘YES. Actual money will be flying …’

Instead, it was fake money and vouchers for discounts at their online store.  Continue reading “Money Falling From The Sky and a Hope Deferred”

Change Always Asks You to Walk on Water

Change Always Asks You to Walk on Water

When there is an invite to change, there is always that question of ‘Can I walk on water?’. But with repeated experiences, we can learn confidence and literally change the way our brain works.

I wanted to say ‘hi’ and introduce myself to her, but the ‘what if’s’ were started to hold me back inside my boat. What if she rejects me, ignores me, dismisses me?

I stepped out of the boat, walked on water, said ‘Hi’ and we have been married now for 34 years.

Walking on water is a brain change moment.

Continue reading “Change Always Asks You to Walk on Water”