Stop the wild swing between past regrets and future fears. Learn how to ground your thoughts in the “Now” by binding truth to your heart.
Sometimes my thoughts seem to go to another time.
They don’t stay grounded in the here and now.
They either swing out into the future or they sweep back into the past.
Sometimes the future has a sense of hope and joy, while the past has the aroma of happy memories.
But all too often, with a negativity bias, the swing ends in times of anxiety or depression.
Its those extremes that seem to dominate or cloud today.
But to go from depression to anxiety, I have found that I have to go through a place called ‘Now’.
I have a little swing in my toolkit of illustrative life models.
I often use this when I am doing Soul talk with people.
We talk about the swing.
Out into either the future or the past goes our focus, our attention, our mind. Hold it there long enough and it becomes tiring. Exhausting, in fact.
Hold it out there long enough and the brain gets used to it. ‘This is normal, this is home. Is there anything different?’
We form Grand Canyon grooves in our brain, and if anything ever so slightly not good comes along, it falls into the canyon and off we swing.
The Now
In between yesterday and tomorrow is always today. There is always now.
I want to be grounded
If we look at the model of the swing, then the swing has to pass through a low arch where it comes close to being settled near the earth.
Ok, I know swings are fun, but do any of us actually want to live on a wild out-of-control swing?
We need to learn how to ground ourselves.
How to ground your thoughts
1. Know the truth of what is within your control and what is not.
We so often focus our attention on things we have little to no control.
I like the concept of the circles of control and influence.
A useful exercise is to make a written list of that which has your focus and attention.
Just by doing this tangible, tactile exercise, it can radically reduce your stress.
You have taken it out of ethereal mind soup and onto the earthy, tangible ink and paper.
Then ask yourself
- Is this within my control?
- Is this outside of my control?
- How much influence do I have on this?
- How much influence do others have?
2. Write the truth
I like to write in a notebook the truth I need to tell my brain.
My brain has a negativity bias. It always seems to like to head off to the grand canyon of negativity.
Rick Hanson says this …
Your brain is continually looking for bad news.
As soon as it finds some, it fixates on it with tunnel vision, fast-tracks it into memory storage, and then reactivates it at the least hint of anything even vaguely similar.
But good news gets a kind of neural shrug: “uh, whatever.”
In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones. Rick Hanson, Ph.D.
I want to train my brain so that it is Velcro for the positive and Teflon for the negative.
This takes work.
This takes practice.
It is a millimetre by millimetre ministry into the fabric of the brain.
3. Rehearse the truth
Then rehearse the truth.
As much as an actor rehearses their lines and a musician practices their instrument, so we are to train our brains.
Perhaps these are some truths that you need to rehearse into your brains neural networks
- I am loved
- I am held
- I am known
- As far as the east is from the west, the Lord has removed my transgressions from me.
- If God is for me then I need to be for myself
- Nothing can separate me from Gods love
- That was then, this is now, I choose to live in the now
- I am responsible for my choices. Others are responsible for their choices. I am not responsible for other peoples choices
I’m visiting the doctor
Just today I was having a soultalk conversation with someone and they shared how anxious they were about going to the doctor.
So this is what we did.
I asked them about what was within their control?
I asked them about their experiences of going to the doctor.
They told me all about the doctor and how kind the doctor was. The doctor listened well, took their needs seriously and had wise practical advice.
I then suggested she get a piece of paper and a pen. Something I always ask people to have on hand.
She then wrote some truth statements.
- ‘My doctor listens well.’
- ‘My doctor offers good, practical advice.’
- ‘My doctor keeps my notes confidential.’
- ‘My doctor listens to me first before writing notes’
- ‘The staff at the medical centre are always very caring and professional’
- ‘Whenever I go to see my Doctor I come away feeling reassured and heard’.
After she had written these down, she immediately felt better, less anxious, and more grounded. Her swing had come closer to the ground and become settled.
What we did together was to give the brain reminders of truth.
I suggested she read this list over and over again.
I also suggested she write her own list of positive truths into what I call a ‘Thinking Compass’
This is a tangible notebook of truth that needs to be rehearsed daily.
This is an ancient practice.
There is nothing new here.
We find this advice from biblical times.
You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. Deuteronomy 11:18
Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;
bind them around your neck;
write them on the tablet of your heart. Proverbs 3:3My son, keep your father’s commandment,
and forsake not your mother’s teaching.
Bind them on your heart always;
tie them around your neck.
When you walk, they will lead you;
when you lie down, they will watch over you;
and when you awake, they will talk with you. Proverbs 6:20-22
The binding of today’s world.
Today I have literally thousands of messages that want to bind into my brain.
I open up my email and BOOM, there are messages that want to bind stuff to the brain.
Social media is a storm of binding distractions.
I want to bind truth to my brain.
Truth that will ground me, and not throw me into anxiety or depression.
I want to ground my thoughts in God.
Quotes to consider
Change is difficult. Only when the pain that comes from remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change, do we get serious about getting help. David Riddell.
The key to growing any psychological resource, including compassion, is to have repeated experiences of it that get turned into lasting changes in neural structure or function. Rick Hanson.
Nothing digs ditches like shovel fulls of dirt. Rick Hanson
The brain is a far more open system than we ever imagined, and nature has gone very far to help us perceive and take in the world around us. It has given us a brain that survives in a changing world by changing itself. Norman Doidge, The Brain That Changes Itself.
There is absolutely no substitute for repeating the right insight when you come under pressure to revert to the old ways. Use it or lose it. D. Riddell.
You are the creator of your thoughts, and it’s your thoughts that can create the future that you want. It really is in your control. Dr. Shannon Irvine.
If it’s been learned, it can always be unlearned. e.g., ways of coping, personal habits, survival kits, and nasty addictions. D. Riddell.
The brain takes its shape from what the mind rests upon. Rick Hanson.
Despair is a spiritual condition. Despair is when you fall under the belief and conviction that tomorrow will simply be a repeat of today. Rob Bell.
Questions to answer
- Where do your thoughts seem to take you? Places of anxiety or depression?
- How tired does it make you if you spend long lengths of time there?
- What truth do you need to rehearse?
Formation exercise
- For today, note the movement of your swing. Where do your thoughts take you? What would it be like to ground your thoughts in the now of today? What truth insights do you need to add to your thinking compass?
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Barry Pearman
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
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