Quick answer: When someone won’t listen to another opinion, arguing rarely helps. A simple pen-and-paper exercise called “two trees” — where you and the other person each draw a tree, then notice that both are valid even though they look different — can open a locked mindset by making the disagreement tactile, visible, and non-threatening.
Table of Contents
- What does it feel like when someone won’t consider your opinion?
- Why do some people refuse to consider another point of view?
- What is the “two trees” exercise?
- Why does the two-trees exercise work?
- What should you do when you still can’t get through?
- How do you understand someone else’s “tree”?
- Quotes to consider
- FAQ
What Does It Feel Like When Someone Won’t Consider Your Opinion?
It was the strength of their opinions that frightened me. There was no interest in mine — their viewpoint was the only one, with no acceptance that others might see it differently.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling like you’ve been talking to a brick wall, you already know how hard it is to talk to someone who won’t consider other opinions.
Why Do Some People Refuse to consider another point of View?
They had come to me concerned about some pastoral issues in the church I was leading. There was sincerity and care, but I could feel the hardness in their attitude. They were black and white.
I heard them out. I listened deeply. Then I started sharing some of the stories of Jesus.
That’s when they said, “I don’t want to hear about Jesus.”
That was a moment I will never forget, because it was then I knew it was pointless to keep going. They were locked into a religious mindset and weren’t looking for a relational growth connection. Any discussion after that would be futile.
I want to talk about my faith, explore it, and stay open to learning — I don’t want to be shut down mid-sentence.
Have you ever been in a conversation like that? You offer a point, you offer evidence, and they throw it out. No matter what you say, they won’t accept that another opinion might have merit.
So how do you unlock a mind that’s already made up?
What Is the “Two Trees” Exercise for Talking to Someone Who Won’t Listen?
You might not be able to change someone’s mind, but if you get the chance, here’s something worth trying. It’s called the two trees, and I learned it from Renier Greef, a psychologist.
Here’s how it works:
- Take a piece of paper and give it to the other person.
- Ask them to draw a tree on one side. They might protest that they’re not artists — encourage them to draw anyway and let them take their time.
- Once they’ve finished, draw your own tree on the other side. Make sure it looks nothing like theirs — maybe theirs is a work of exquisite art (trunk, branches, leaves, roots, the works), and yours looks like a lollipop on a stick.
- Now critique their tree. Tell them it looks more like a dog’s tail or a nuclear explosion than a tree. Insist that your tree is the only correct version of what a tree looks like.
- Then stop, and point out what’s actually true: they’re both trees. Both have trunks. Both have leaves. Both have root systems — but they’re different.
The goal is a shared understanding: you’ve simply drawn different trees.
Each one is valid, and each one has its own reasons for looking the way it does.
If you want to actually understand each other, the way forward isn’t picking up an axe to cut down the other person’s tree — it’s asking open, curious questions about it.
Why Does the Two-Trees Exercise Work When Someone Won’t Consider Other Opinions?
This little exercise can crack open some rusted-shut viewpoints for a few reasons:
- It’s tactile. Pen and paper mean you’re doing something physical, not just arguing. The brain responds to that — it signals creativity and engages a different part of your thinking.
- It’s tangible. It’s a piece of paper. You can hold it, and come back to it later. It’s not a vague concept floating around in someone’s head.
- It shows acceptance. You’re saying, “You have a tree, and I’m willing to understand it.”
- It still holds space for your view. You’re also saying, “I have an opinion, and it has merit too.”
Together, that combination often opens a door that arguing never could. For a related approach that works even without paper and pen, see how three simple words can build a bridge instead of a wall in a stuck conversation.
What Should You Do When You Still Can’t Get Through?
Sometimes, though, nothing gets through. I’ve had a very different “tree” to others, tried to explain it, and been met with nothing but hostility — axes and chainsaws instead of curiosity.
I’ve shared some of the most valuable things in my life and watched them get trampled into the mud. Jesus put it plainly:
Have you ever been attacked for the views you hold? It helps to remember that the other person is working from a completely different picture of what a “tree” looks like — and that doesn’t make your tree wrong. I’ve written more about protecting what’s precious to you in Throwing Pearls to Pigs, and about how to stay steady when you’re the one being criticised in How to Stand Firm When the Rotten Tomatoes Are Thrown.
We are not going to be able to live at peace with everyone.
Paul writes this.
I love this verse because it’s honest — peace with everyone isn’t always possible. But the part that is within your control is you. So you try.
Jesus modeled this too. He told his disciples that in some towns their message wouldn’t be welcomed — their “tree” would be rejected completely — and when that happened, they were to simply leave:
In first-century Jewish custom, shaking the dust off your feet was a recognized gesture used when leaving a hostile or non-believing place. It marked a clean, total break: the message has been given, and what happens next is on them, not on you.
Sometimes that’s the healthiest thing you can do — share honestly, and then let it go. If the relationship in question needs a more lasting shift, it may be worth rethinking what a healthy boundary actually looks like with that person.
How Do You Understand Someone Else’s “Tree”?
When I’m in conversation with someone now, I often come back to this two-trees model. In listening, I try to genuinely understand their tree and all of its complexity:
- How did it come to be?
- What has shaped it?
- What flowers does it have?
- Does it bear fruit?
- Does it need pruning?
- What helps it grow?
I have my own tree too, one that keeps changing. It gets pruned now and then. Old wood gets cut away. Diseased wood gets burned. It gets shaped so it can bear fruit in its season. I submit my tree to the master gardener because God is pruning me for love, joy, and peace
What’s your tree like? Is it open to inspection? Are you willing to let someone else understand it, even if it looks nothing like theirs?
Remember that how people treat you may say more about them than it does about you.
Not everyone will be a safe person to show your tree to — for more on recognising who those safe people are, see Who Influences You? Choosing the Five People in Your Circle.
Quotes to Consider
FAQ: Talking to Someone Who Won’t Consider Other Opinions
What do you do when someone won’t listen to a different opinion?
Try a tactile, non-verbal exercise like the two-trees drawing exercise before resorting to more arguing. It shows the other person you accept their view exists while still holding space for your own, which often opens more doors than direct debate.
What is the “two trees” exercise?
It’s a simple pen-and-paper exercise, learned from psychologist Renier Greef, where two people each draw a tree, compare how different the drawings look, and then recognise that both are still genuinely trees — a visual way of showing that two different viewpoints can both be valid.
What should I do if someone attacks me for my opinion instead of engaging with it?
Share what’s true for you honestly, and then be willing to let it go rather than continuing to push. Not everyone can hold what’s precious to you with care, and that reflects on them more than it does on you.
Is it possible to live at peace with everyone?
Not always. Romans 12:18 puts it honestly: live peaceably with all, so far as it depends on you. The part within your control is your own response — not whether the other person receives it.
Further Reading
- Throwing Pearls to Pigs — Protect your peace. Learn why sharing your deepest “pearls” requires wisdom and how to find safe people who value your vulnerability.
- How to Stand Firm when the Rotten Tomatoes are Thrown — Facing lies, gossip, or criticism? Discover how the Apostle Paul used a simple formula to find transformation and spiritual deliverance.
- Who Influences You? Choosing the Five People in Your Circle — Are your friends holding you back? Learn how your “Top 5” circle shapes your future and how to find a tribe that values your “pearls.”
- Building Bridges Not Walls: The Power of Three Simple Words — We all have a “secret garden” we protect with walls. Discover how three simple words can build a bridge and invite deeper, safer connection.
- Let’s Rethink the Word ‘Boundary’ — Is the word “boundary” too cold? Discover how shifting to “lines of love and respect” can empower your relationships and your self-worth.
- The Beauty of an Empowering Question — Harsh questions crush the soul, but empowering questions heal. Learn how walking beside others with gentle curiosity opens up the heart.
- Please. No Fixing, Advising, Saving or Straightening Out — Stop fixing and start listening. Discover why saving or advising stifles wisdom and how open-ended questions create deeper soul connections.
Barry has pastored and provided pastoral support to people navigating exactly these kinds of stuck conversations for more than 30 years.
