They were too naked in their vulnerability. Too much too soon, but with careful listening, time, and respect, they began to feel deeply known.
They had been too naked with their vulnerability. They thought they were safe with this friend, that what they shared wouldn’t be exposed. But it was told to others, and now they had closed up and remained unknown.
When you’re naked, you’re open to critique, you’re vulnerable to both rejection and acceptance, and you’re never quite sure which way it will swing.
So now they share with no one. Everything is masked up and hidden away.
Secret thoughts, passions, desires, longings, and questions (lots of questions) stay behind the walls.
We need to share the pain of life with someone, but what happens when the confessor, the one we are exposing our heart to, goes rogue. We need to be careful with who we share our heart with.
What they thought was being said in private was now being passed around like appetizers at a dinner party. Everyone had a munch and nibble, then passed the plate on for another’s perusal.
They were locked down now. Having exposed their heart, they had got hurt and had made a vow never to be open again.
To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything, and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal.
Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.
Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
But something had died within them. It was a willingness to trust and, therefore, to know love and give love. They allowed others to come only as close as they felt safe. Functionality, not intimacy. Continue reading “When the Confessor Goes Rogue”
Messages can be messy. We say one thing, they hear another, but we need to be heard so we need to learn about filters and speak with grace and compassion.
The message I heard was probably not the message they wanted to send. Who got it wrong?
Over the past few weeks, the online hotel booking company Trivago has been showing an ad on New Zealand Television featuring a young lady and an older lady. In the ad, the younger lady gets a better deal on her accommodation because she used the Trivago phone app. Continue reading “Message Sent Message Heard. That Trivago Ad”
Often life can feel like it’s one step forward and two steps back, but with a few words of affirmation, another step can be taken. Affirm the small footprints of the struggle and evoke the good to grow.
He knew many people didn’t like him. He had made commitments then broken them. His struggles were well known, and many had tried to help him, but he had burned them out. He was affirmation hungry.
There are many people out there that simply need a hug and to be told ‘You’re doing okay.’
If you want to hear the heart of another, then you need to still your own. Fixing, advising, saving, or straightening out will only stifle the emergence of true wisdom. We need to listen with questions.
Sometimes I want to tell some people to shut up and just listen. They rush in with their supposed good advice so quickly that any depth of relating is stymied.
At times I have been wanting to have an in-depth conversation with someone only for it to be thwarted by others offering solutions.