Who are the Five people you spend the most time with? They will be the ones who have the most influence over you.
Her response to a betrayal of friendship has probably helped thousands of others to get a better group of friends.
The other day I was listening to a podcast from Simon Sinek where he interviewed Marissa Meizz.
A young man, Drew Harding, happened to be on his lunch break, and while walking through Central Park New York, he overheard two young ladies discussing how they were planning a party but that it had to be on a day when their ‘friend’ Marissa was not going to be in town.
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, so he posted a video on ‘Tic Toc’ telling the story and hoping to connect with Marissa to tell her she needed to find a better group of friends.
The video went viral in the quest to find her. Eventually, she saw the video, and Marissa and Drew connected. They are now friends.
The next chapter of the story is incredible. Marrisa didn’t turn bitter; instead, she chose to use the fame of this viral internet story to help people who are lonely to connect.
No more lonely friends was created, and they have meetups where people who don’t know each other can come and make new friends. Many who come have had moments of being rejected.
Her Instagram page has fifty-one thousand followers.
Have you experienced rejection? Perhaps a betrayal by people who you thought were on your side. Gossip slips around and stabs you in the back. You’re alone, deeply alone. You feel abandoned and lost.
No one ‘gets you,’ and there is no desire for community with your soul.
Its loneliness and rejection and betrayal and loss all rolled up into one big ball of pus.
Do you know what that’s like?
Or maybe the relationships you are in aren’t a source of encouragement to what matters most to you.
You are the average
A few years ago, I heard this quote.
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Jim Rohn
Immediately I’m sure you’ve gone to thinking about who you spend most of your time with.
Family, friends, work colleagues, church people, etc.
There is a lot of truth in this saying.
I’m not sure if you could prove it to be true in any researched manner, but the people around us influence us.
They shape us by their words and actions. Their encouragements and discouragement. They mentor us into a mold of normality.
As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17
Often when I am having a conversation with someone, I will hear them refer to a family member or a friend, and I hear the powerful, and often negative, influence this person has over them.
If it’s a friend, I might suggest they look for a better friend, much like Marissa Meizz did.
Not so easy when it’s a spouse or family member, but we can learn how to detach and set lines of love and respect (boundaries).
Jesus left, and Abram did too.
I remember when I left home at eighteen.
Into my little Mini, I piled all my clothes and things and headed off to Palmerston North to begin an adventure.
I was going to start a University course in Agriculture. I left my small country hometown and farm and traveled 8 hours to a new place of influence.
It was one of the best things I ever did. I got out from under the influence of small-town thinking into a new group of friends. People who saw my potential and encouraged me.
If I had stayed at home, this blog and the ministry would probably never have happened.
Jesus left his hometown of Nazareth, and when he returned, he was rejected. He wasn’t the same man anymore. They couldn’t box him into their small town normality.
He left there and returned to his hometown. His disciples came along. On the Sabbath, he gave a lecture in the meeting place. He stole the show, impressing everyone. “We had no idea he was this good!” they said. “How did he get so wise all of a sudden, get such ability?”
But in the next breath they were cutting him down: “He’s just a carpenter—Mary’s boy. We’ve known him since he was a kid. We know his brothers, James, Justus, Jude, and Simon, and his sisters. Who does he think he is?” They tripped over what little they knew about him and fell, sprawling. And they never got any further.
Jesus told them, “A prophet has little honor in his hometown, among his relatives, on the streets he played in as a child.” Jesus wasn’t able to do much of anything there—he laid hands on a few sick people and healed them, that’s all. He couldn’t get over their stubbornness. He left and made a circuit of the other villages, teaching. Mark 6:1- 6
Abraham also left.
The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people, and your father’s household to the land I will show you. Genesis 12:1
This wasn’t just a calling to move to another country. It was the invite to leave a culture, a society, a normality, an influence. It was a stretching of Abrams wings to learn how to fly in a new way.
Choosing the influencers
Who are you and where do you want to go?
That’s the question everyone has to answer.
As a writer/ online pastor, I surround myself with influencers that will fill my life with encouragement.
I have expanded the quote ‘You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with’ to include the writers, podcasters, and influencers in my field.
I spend a lot of time reading and engaging with their content. I probably spend more ‘influencing time’ with them, shaping and influencing my brain, than I do with people in the flesh.
I listen to an audio version/podcast of the Bible every day. I want that influence.
I have an audio version of my Thinking compass. I want that influence.
My desk is covered, and my Kindle is full of books from my influencers. I share little quotes via Social Media. I want that influence.
When I write, I often think that this sounds just like my favorite author.😊
They’re probably going to reject you.
I’m sorry to have to say this, but those in the old group of five influencers – family, friends, church, etc. are probably not going to like or even support the new you.
They may even completely reject the new you.
Jesus’ township tried to throw him off a cliff. A sign of things to come. Yet he was only revealing the fullness of being under the influence of God.
Jesus talks to the beauty and purpose within us.
Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs.
If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 7:6
Often in my conversations, I suggest that the people they are hoping for validation and approval from, typically family members, are most likely not going to be cheerleaders.
We present to them something beautiful, sacred, a pearl of great worth and value to us, and they shoot us down.
They critique with harshness, they point out the flaws, they remind us of our failures, and they trample the pearl into the mud slurry they are sitting in. We feel torn to pieces. They are the hometown villagers of Jesus’ time.
You need a better group of friends. People who know a good pearl when they see it.
Mother Teresa might say to you, ‘What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway’.
My encouragement is to find a group of fellow pearl lovers and build relationships of influence with them.
- Musicians need musicians
- Writers need writers
- Cricket players need cricket players
- Cardmakers need card makers
They’re probably going to be the ones to accept you and enjoy the pearl of your creation.
Oh yes, and please don’t trample on others’ pearls.
Others may have a passionate excitement about ancient medieval tapestry, and it’s just not your thing, but show interest in their excitement. Endorse its validity and importance to them. Find the beauty and purpose, and it might just influence your own life in unexpected ways.
Your Vibe, Your Tribe
Here is another saying.
Your vibe attracts your tribe.
What this means is that who you are and how you operate in this world will attract similar people to yourself.
As a practical demonstration of this, when I am reading a book, and I find a quote that I really like, I will share it on my social media platforms – Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. Other people who are similar to me and like similar authors will most likely comment, share, and like my little quotes. I form a tribe, a group of people who influence.
Make this a habit, and you will soon find friends that will be good influencers to you and you to them.
It’s over to you now.
Who are the five people you spend the most time with and are they helping you go where you want to go?
Quotes to consider
- People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
Mother Teresa - Real encouragement occurs when words are spoken from a heart of love to another’s recognized fear. Larry Crabb
- Choose well whom you spend time with, for you will always become like them in some measure. Is that the outcome you want? D. Riddell
- A vision we give to others of who and what they could become has power when it echoes what the spirit has already spoken into their souls. Larry Crabb
Questions to consider
- Who are the five people that have the most influence over you?
- What part does ‘fear of what others will think’ have in you staying under the influence of negative people?
- Jesus walked through the crowd of townsfolk trampling his pearl into the ground. He left those influencers behind. What would that look like for you?
Further reading
Barry Pearman
Photo by Guy Kawasaki on Unsplash
