We’ve all fallen to the oldest trick in the book, but we need to know the oldest truth in the book. Knowing the difference between ministry and manipulation.
I watched them do it. They said a few words, suggested some options, smiled in a certain way, and waited. It wasn’t long before they had what they wanted. They had laid out the bait, and the person had grabbed it.
I then wondered how many times people had fallen to this subtle and sly manipulation. They were such an expert at it. Their success, their control was based on their ability to get others to do what they wanted them to do.
What’s it like to find out you’ve been manipulated?
To have someone use all sorts of little tricks and techniques to further their own cause. Continue reading “Falling to the Oldest Trick in the Book. Ministry or Manipulation”
They were too naked in their vulnerability. Too much too soon, but with careful listening, time, and respect, they began to feel deeply known.
They had been too naked with their vulnerability. They thought they were safe with this friend, that what they shared wouldn’t be exposed. But it was told to others, and now they had closed up and remained unknown.
When you’re naked, you’re open to critique, you’re vulnerable to both rejection and acceptance, and you’re never quite sure which way it will swing.
So now they share with no one. Everything is masked up and hidden away.
Secret thoughts, passions, desires, longings, and questions (lots of questions) stay behind the walls.
Perhaps one day, they will find the presence of someone that can listen to the naked vulnerability of their story and sacrificially clothe them with acceptance. Continue reading “You’re Being Too Naked in Your Vulnerability”
It can be so debilitating to be told ‘you need to have boundaries,’ but as you grow the heart, a new empowered strength slowly builds within.
‘You really need to have boundaries’
How many times have you heard this said or even said it yourself?
I always feel a little cringe when I hear these words. There is just something about it that sounds legalistic, mechanical, rules bound, and policy-driven.
Nothing of the heart or any internal depth to it.
This is why I prefer ‘Lines of love of respect.’ It seems to connect better to something that is of heart value. Something that is evolving.
It also sounds condemning. Continue reading “The Evolution of Empowered Boundaries”
Being formed like a little child is something Jesus wants us to do, but how are we to do this as adults? Perhaps it’s by surrender to the potter’s hand.
Probably the most joyous gift to our family over recent years has been the addition of a new family member. Twenty-two months ago – in May 2019, my daughter gave birth to a beautiful little girl called Eliza.
We have so delighted to see her grow and develop as a beautiful little child.
She is being formed. Continue reading “Being Formed as a Little Child”
Criticism can hurt, bruise and extinguish our hearts, but learning how to handle criticism can build new strength and resilience.
I could see the hope drain out of him as I watched both the subtle and not so subtle criticisms land upon him.
I was in a meeting with a guy I was supporting, and we were problem-solving.
Every solution he suggested was shot down. It was one little cat scratch after another. He would say a few words, and the critic would speak five hundred back.
The poor guy, I thought. I wondered what it was like when he was alone with this woman. No wonder he was depressed, anxious, and stuck.
Criticism can strangle a heart till it gives up and doesn’t try anymore. The words of a critic start to be believed as a truth in your own being. Your inner critic starts negating you. You’re on a downward spiral. Continue reading “When You Have to Handle Criticism”
Trust can get broken so easily, but we can build a new trust by cognitively reassessing our situations. It takes time and effort, but it is worth it.
There was a rebuilding that needed to happen. It was a rebuilding of trust in themselves and with others.
Somewhere, some time, every one of us is going to have our trust broken. We live with an expectation that certain things will happen the way we believe they will happen. The rules won’t get broken. That the promises made will be kept.
But trust gets broken in many different areas of our lives. Continue reading “Four steps to Build A New Trust”
Six people you don’t want help from, and there could be more; therefore, its time to detach from them and have them leave your emotional room.
There are some people that I am wary of getting help from or even suggesting others get help from. They may be well-meaning, have good intentions, and a deep desire to help, but they come up short on wisdom.
There is something about them that just doesn’t feel right and shouts ‘avoid.’
Have you come across people like that? Continue reading “Six People To Put Out Of Your Mental Health Room”
We can have an overreaction to life’s events, but when we search out what’s behind the reaction, we often find history-based pain. Let’s help the prickly pear.
It was a reaction I wasn’t expecting. I had made a few jokes, and their response wasn’t to have a simple laugh with me but to get highly defensive and even go on the attack.
Have you ever wondered why some people take offense even to something seemingly unoffensive?
Where no harm was meant but there sure was a reaction! Continue reading “Where is That Overreaction Coming From?”
The load we carry can get too heavy, and we can breakdown. But we can grow through it when we have others who will watch with us.
I needed help. I vividly remember the day I rang emergency services. I had come to a point where I knew I couldn’t carry the load by myself anymore. I had been beaten down emotionally and needed help.
Every one of us is different. We all have different tolerance levels and abilities to handle what life throws at us. For some, they seem to be, for want of a better word, hard and tough. Nothing seems to break them. They have built a toughness around themselves, and nothing seems to get to them.
Then others are more sensitive and soft. They are more open to getting hurt. With enough poundings from the fist of life, they can be pummeled to the ground. Continue reading “Is The Load Too Heavy? Watch With Me”
It was the feelings of a guilt trip and the words of being a ‘Brothers Keeper’ that triggered me. But was it genuinely helping me and them to think this way? Something needed to change.
Some people seem to be able to push the manipulation guilt trip button every time. They tell you how life has been hard. They share their background and a wide range of struggles. You listen, and you empathize with their struggle, and indeed life is hard for some people.
Then you look at yourself and all that you have. You may begin to feel some guilt, then some sense of a need to help them. You want to help, but you have only so much life, energy, time, and money.
In the Bible, there is a story, or in particular, a phrase from that story, that can kick into gear and hit the guilt-trip button. Continue reading “Am I My Brothers Keeper? Guilt-Trip Anyone?”