When despair whispers “I wish I had never been born,” Job’s lament shows we are not alone, and that the very gifts that make life messy can lead us back to dependence on God.
Quick answer: In Job 10, Job tells God he wishes he had never been born. Despair like this is often spoken only in the heart. Beneath the groan lie four gifts we inherit from God: desires, thoughts, choices, and emotions. They become a mess when we steer life by self-reliance, or lean too heavily on other people. Putting God first, and turning back from our own strategies to make life work, opens the way out of the dark.
In this post:
- Job 10: “I Wish I Had Never Been Born”
- The Gifts Beneath the Groan
- Where We Went Wrong: Self-Reliance
- Put First Things First
- Further Reading
Job 10: “I Wish I Had Never Been Born”
buried without ever having breathed.
Isn’t it time to call it quits on my life?
Can’t you let up, and let me smile just once
before I die and am buried,
before I’m nailed into my coffin, sealed in the ground,
and banished for good to the land of the dead,
blind in the final dark? Job 10:18-22 (The Message)
If not expressed verbally, then despair can often be whispered in the heart’s deep recesses, unspoken to anyone except the soul.
Job is not the only one to say it. Earlier, in chapter 3, Job curses the day he was born, and many who hit a brick wall still ask why was I even born?
The Gifts Beneath the Groan
Beneath this groan lie some gifts that many wish they could give back.
- The gift of desires
- The gift of thoughts
- The gift of choices
- The gift of emotions
The combination of our desires, thoughts, choices, and emotions can often create an absolute mess.
Yet all four gifts are the greatest qualities we have received from our Creator.
We are a ‘chip off the old block.’
We have inherited these innate qualities from God.
God has desires
The prophet Hosea voices the desires of a family longing for a wayward child. Hosea 11
God has thoughts
God thinks about us and draws conclusions. Genesis 6:5-8 brings a challenge and also hope. I especially like verse 8! Try inserting your name and see how it feels.
God makes choices
Paul, writing in Ephesians 1:11, tells us that God has a purpose and makes choices according to that purpose.
God has emotions
From feelings of sadness and loss when Jesus wept to feelings of anger at injustice, we see Jesus expressing feelings. God is well pleased, another feeling, when we follow their lead. It is worth asking what God wants you to do with your feelings.
If we have these same qualities, then where did we go wrong?
Where We Went Wrong: Self-Reliance
It’s in this.
Our dependency is not on God, but on ourselves. We are self-reliant. We steer the ship of our lives. We set the sails. We plot the course.
The gift of free choice grants us the freedom to follow our thoughts, feelings, and desires, often putting us on a collision course with an iceberg. And in the dark, you can’t make it on your own.
What do we do?
We shift to having a complete dependency on God, letting them be the co-pilot of our ship.
Will we continue to get some things wrong? Yes!
When we depend too much on others
We can also become overly dependent on others. I have seen this many times. We become too dependent on someone. We worship them, and the person becomes a quasi-Jesus.
We, by our choices, make ourselves vulnerable to their imperfections. Any change in them, which is actually inevitable, can rock the boat violently.
Put First Things First
Where does the focus need to be?
C.S. Lewis writes this.
We need to put Father, Jesus, and Spirit first in our desires, thoughts, choices, and emotions. They have the first and rightful place.
We need to choose to turn around from going the wrong way.
1. facing my utter helplessness to make life work as I would wish;
2. sorrowing over my insane strategies that are intended to make ‘Life Work’;
3. clinging to a God who calls me to follow a plan of life that seems absurd. Dan Allender
Job was brought to a place of change through a plan that seems absurd to us, but he was one who decided to put first things first. When despair says nothing will ever change, remember that God hears, sees, and moves. You may find hope in breaking free from the despair of “will it always be like this?”
If wishing you had never been born has become wishing you were not alive, please reach out today. In New Zealand, call or text 1737 any time, call Lifeline on 0800 543 354, or the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0508 828 865. If you are in immediate danger, call 111. You may also find hope in God, I Want to Die.
Questions to Answer
- Which of the four gifts (desires, thoughts, choices, emotions) feels most like a burden to you right now?
- Where are you relying on yourself, or on another person, more than on God?
- What would putting first things first look like for you this week?
Further Reading
- Why Was I Even Born? — When life hits a brick wall, the question arises: Why was I born? Explore the dark hole of soul pain with Job, Jeremiah, and Jesus.
- I Curse the Day I Was Born: What Job 3 Teaches About Anger — Cursing the day you were born? Job 3 shows why raw anger, safely held, helps you move through pain to healing.
- God, Will It Always Be Like This? Breaking Free From Despair — Stuck in despair and asking if life will always feel this way? The Exodus story shows God hears, sees, and moves.
- What God wants You to do with Your Feelings? — Discover how God wants you to handle your deepest emotions. Using the story of Ezekiel, learn to acknowledge and control your feelings.
- You Can’t Make It On Your Own — Stop trying to do it all alone. Discover why rugged independence fails in dark times and how true biblical encouragement can heal a lonely heart.
- God, I Want to Die — Feeling overwhelmed and praying God I want to die? You are not alone. Discover hope, biblical comfort, and practical steps to find a way out.
- Why Men Don’t Talk. 26 Reasons for Silence — Explore 26 raw reasons why men struggle to speak up, the impact of Radio Hauraki’s No Talk Day, and how to encourage deeper conversations.
About the Author
Barry Pearman has spent almost 30 years as a mental health support worker, community chaplain, and pastor, and has walked through depression himself. His training includes SoulCare Foundations under Dr Larry Crabb, a Bachelor of Applied Theology, spiritual direction training, and certificates in CBT interventions, pastoral therapy, and integrated mental health care. Read more about Barry Pearman’s background and training.
Turning the Page offers a grace-filled path to mental wholeness through faith and hope.
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
