God, I Want to Die

Free, confidential crisis support is available 24/7. Please reach out if you need help.

By Barry Pearman. Barry has been working in the field of mental health and wellness since 1995 — first as a Mental Health Support Worker, and then as a pastor to those with major and serious mental illnesses. Barry has also experienced depression himself and writes both from lived experience and from helping thousands of people around the world find hope in dark times. About Barry

Overwhelming emotions can take you to where you want to die. It’s what happens when it all becomes too much for us mere humans to handle, and so we pray, ‘God, I want to die.’

In short: praying “God, I want to die” is a cry of exhaustion, not sin, and you are not alone in praying it. Biblical figures like Elijah and Moses prayed the same words when they were overwhelmed, and God responded with care, not condemnation. If you’re in that place right now, free confidential crisis support is available 24/7 (numbers above), and this post walks through what’s happening, why it’s not sinful to say, and five practical steps to take today.

Contents

• What’s happening when you feel hopeless, helpless, and worthless?
• Elijah’s prayer: when a man of God wanted to die
• Which other biblical figures battled suicidal thoughts?
• Is it a sin to tell God you want to die?
• What are 5 practical steps when you feel hopeless?
• Quotes to consider
• Frequently asked questions
• Further reading

The other day, I watched a news reporter standing in a stream swollen with water from a recent storm. Water was rushing down against his legs, and he talked about the overwhelming power of the current. Many people die when their footing is lost to the overwhelming power of simple, small water droplets joined together.

Or perhaps it feels like you’ve been hammered on. Something or someone has been hammering on your soul, like a hammer taken up and swung at you again and again. You want it all to end.

I’ve been there, and I know well the flood and the hits of the hammer. It could be the hammer hits or the floodwaters of guilt, shame, loneliness, harsh words, harsh judgments from others, physical pain, or a billion other things you can feel. You know its pain. You pray for it to end.

What’s Happening When You Feel Hopeless, Helpless, and Worthless?

Under a certain level of stress and pressure, something is always going to give. It’s not just the one straw that broke the camel’s back, but the accumulation of straws — or, if that word feels like it minimizes what you’re carrying, think of them as heavy logs. When the body is under such a heavy load, it becomes vulnerable to unwellness, and mental unwellness can appear. That’s normal in the sense that the body can only cope with so much. It’s ok. You’re not alone, and there is help.

For some, this accumulation results in a wish to die — to take their own life, or to cry out in pain, “God! Take my life. I want to die.” If you’re in that dark, lonely place, you may recognize these three feelings:

• Hopeless: a belief that there is no hope.
• Helpless: a feeling that nothing will be of help.
• Worthless: being overwhelmed with a sense of personal failure.

If you’re in a dark hole, it can feel like there’s no way out — like you’re being drowned in the darkness, with the world collapsed in on you and no spade or willpower left to dig your way out.

Elijah’s Prayer: When a Man of God Wanted to Die

There have been others who have been in that same dark hole and found their way out. One of them was a biblical character named Elijah.

He crashed and burned big time — floodwaters hit him, the hammer was pounding. He had done extraordinary things, which upset some powerful people so much that they wanted to kill him.

When a furious Queen Jezebel threatened his life, he ran.

He wanted to die, and he prayed that God would take his life. When the walls of his false self crumbled to dust, a desire to die was heard.

If I ever met Elijah, or the writer of this book, I would thank them for including this story — it’s easy to focus on the positive things in a person’s life and skip the uncomfortable parts.

This isn’t a place to theorize whether what Elijah said was right or wrong; it’s a moment of acknowledging his humanity, that he is someone like us.

When you’re in this hole, you don’t want to hear “you shouldn’t say that,” or cliché kindness, or “try harder.”

You want to hear: “I hear the pain, it’s ok, and I will not leave you. Together we will find a way through this.”

Which Other Biblical Figures Battled Suicidal Thoughts?

If you’ve cried out the Elijah prayer — “I’ve had enough, take my life, God, I want to die” — please know you have company. Moses, in his own dark hole of frustration, shouted at God:

In your dark hole, know that Moses and Elijah have been there too.

But it didn’t end there, in that place of darkness. God did not cause them to die — there was still more to do, and it required something within them to change.

Overwhelming emotions, like surging floodwaters, can drag you to where you want to die. It happens, and the more times it happens, the deeper the groove is worn. But there is a way out and a way through.

Is It a Sin to Tell God You Want to Die?

No. Biblical characters like Elijah and Moses — humans just like us — openly cried out to God in their darkest hours, asking for their lives to end. God didn’t respond with condemnation. Instead there was love, care, physical nourishment, and a gentle whisper of presence.

You probably don’t want others to know just how tired, distressed, and desperate you feel. I get that. You want to keep this from others for all sorts of reasons, but you’re still searching for help, and that search matters.

What Are 5 Practical Steps When You Feel Hopeless?

1. A Prayer for When Your World Feels Black

Perhaps you could pray this prayer:

2. Identify the Straws

Break it down before it breaks you down. Can you journal and write out all the stresses you’re carrying? Try to break them into the smallest straws you can. When we get pragmatic about the worries, fears, and pressures we’re carrying, we can start to problem-solve and take action.

3. Take Action

Take a millimeter step in changing the situation. Small actions add up — take one small action on one place of struggle.

4. Read Essential Resources

• What to Do When Your Emotions Overwhelm You
• 6 Keys To Helping Someone Who Is Suicidal
• Just Don’t Touch That Button – Your Unbearable Feeling
• Why Paul’s ‘Fruitful Labour’ Is a Great Antidote to Suicide

5. Contact Me

I know you want to keep things private and to yourself, but having someone who knows, is willing to listen, and will pray, can make all the difference. We were never meant to face our struggles alone. Please let me join you on your journey — I won’t reject you or dismiss your pain. You can email me at [email protected].

Quotes to Consider

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it wrong for a Christian to say “I want to die”?

No. Scripture records godly people — Elijah, Moses, Job — praying these exact words in their darkest moments. Saying it out loud, even to God, is honest, not sinful.

What did Elijah pray when he wanted to die?

In 1 Kings 19:4, exhausted and fleeing for his life, Elijah sat under a broom tree and prayed, “O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my ancestors.”

What should I do right now if I’m having thoughts of suicide?

Reach out to a crisis line immediately. In New Zealand, call or text 1737, or call Lifeline on 0800 543 354. In the US and Canada, call or text 988. In the UK, call 111 or Samaritans on 116 123. Internationally, Befrienders Worldwide or Find A Helpline can connect you to local support. These services are free, confidential, and available right now.

Have you ever been in that dark hole where you wanted God to take your life?

Many people who read this post have. There’s no shame in it — the question is worth sitting with honestly, ideally with someone you trust or a professional alongside you.

What has helped people get out of the hole of wanting to die?

Small, repeatable steps rather than one dramatic fix: naming specific stressors, taking one small action at a time, staying connected to at least one other person, and getting professional support alongside any spiritual practice.

Further Reading

• 6 Keys To Helping Someone Who Is Suicidal — Helping someone who’s suicidal? You’re worried, fearful, but there are things you can do. Learning this 6 keys will help.
• Suicide. 37 Sentences to Stop the Slide — When the slippery slope to suicide feels unavoidable, use these 37 life-saving self-talk sentences to arrest your fall and find hope again.
• Why Paul’s ‘Fruitful Labor’ Is a Great Antidote to Suicide — In the darkest moments, the Apostle Paul found a reason to live. Discover how “fruitful labor” and an others-centered life can be an antidote to despair.
• When You Find Yourself in a Dark Hole, Start Digging — Stuck in a dark hole of depression? Discover the power of millimeter steps and daily habits to dig your way back to mental health.
• Does Having Depression Mean I Lack Faith? — Is depression caused by a lack of faith? Find hope through grace and self-compassion, leaving toxic church shame behind.
• 18 Insights to Heal the Shame of an Attempted Suicide — Discover how to heal the deep shame and embarrassment after a suicide attempt through curiosity, empathy, and empowering insights.

Barry Pearman

Barry has been working in the field of mental health and wellness since 1995 — first as a Mental Health Support Worker, and then as a pastor to those with major and serious mental illnesses. He has also experienced depression himself, and writes both from lived experience and from helping thousands of people around the world find hope in dark times.

Disclaimer: The content on this site is for educational and spiritual encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Barry Pearman