Pressure within is building, and you might feel like you’re carrying a heavy burden alone. How do you release bottled-up emotions without destroying precious relationships?
Recently I have gone back to old-school ways of writing. I have picked up a pen and some paper and written my first draft with ink on fiber. It’s been quite liberating. I have felt freer to be expressive and less bound to a machine.
I have also continued to write my book called ‘Broken to Built’ based on the book of Nehemiah. It’s a kind of ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ style with Bill and John having a daily chat on a park bench at a beach.
So I thought I would like to share with you Day 27 of their conversation.
All this talk we were doing was starting to get at me.
Yes, I sensed God was on the move. That good things were beginning to happen. A sculptor was chipping away at the facade I had built around myself.
It hurt.
I was angry. It was ok, wasn’t it? To be angry.
I wasn’t sure why I was angry or what I was angry about. It was just sitting there, in the background like a petulant child.
I didn’t notice John take the final few steps toward me and place himself on the wooden slats.
His old woolly cardigan quietly draped around my shoulders.
‘Do you need one of these?’ he whispered as he placed a small pin in my hand.
‘Huh? What’s this for?’
‘Oh, I just got a nudge to bring a pin this morning. It’s very good for deflating overinflated balloons’
I still looked at him with puzzlement.
‘Look, sometimes in life, I can feel internally like a balloon that has pressurized to the point of bursting. Stresses, criticisms, inner turmoil all just build up a head of steam in me that feels like explosive.’
‘Wow, you can read me well, but a pin against a balloon can create an almighty mess and a lot of noise’
‘Yes, it can but only if you poke it in the middle of the balloon where the skin is tight. If you go down to the base of the balloon where it isn’t so taut and put a little hole in there, well the air can pass out slowly and peacefully.’
‘It’s a gentle release compared to a rushing rage.’
‘Ever prayed Red Dot Angry Prayers? Like when you just let it all out and vent at God.’
‘Um, quietly I have, but I have always felt kind of guilty afterwards that I did. That I was just being self-centered and over the top and that God might consider me ungrateful. So I always feel conflicted when I do.’
‘Well, Nehemiah prayed a Red Dot Angry prayer. He poked the pin on the bottom of his balloon and let it all pour out.’
‘It wasn’t nice, clean, pious and prepared. It was raw, wild and cathartic.’
‘What does cathartic mean?’
‘It means to openly express your strong emotions. Like you are purging yourself. Releasing and freeing something boiling and gurgling inside.’
‘Nehemiah did this?’
‘Yes’
‘But isn’t that kind of not what a good Christian should do? I know I would like to do this. Let it all explode out. But I know I will feel guilty afterwards. That I have sinned and hurt God’s heart.’
‘So you just let it all build up do you?’
‘Yes’
‘and the depression and anxiety and self-loathing continues to grow.’
‘Yes’
Tears were beginning to come. Like small pools on the dust of an old dry valley.
John sat still for a moment and let the moment speak for itself.
‘You need to let it out, and let it out safely. You want to feel safe and to do that you need a safe person, a safe place and a safe time.’
When we experience vulnerability, people usually take one of three unhelpful approaches:
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- 1. They will judge you.
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- 2. They will try to problem-solve your pain.
- 3. They will offer up a sweet, syrupy band-aid prayer to make the pain go away.
None of these options will help you draw closer to Christ.
‘So what is a better option?’
‘Well, I think it is to listen, ask gentle questions and then listen some more.’
‘For Nehemiah, he prayed and let out the frustration. You can pray like that. God hates facades. Those false masks we project out where we act all pious and perfect. Where we throw on makeup to hide the cuts.’
‘God knows about the stuff we are hiding.’
‘If you haven’t got a safe person to vomit in front of then I would suggest writing down your prayers. I have used a prayer process called P.A.P.A. prayer and it has helped me download. Then I shared it with a few safe others.’
‘I will bring along a copy of it with me tomorrow for you to look at.’
‘For now though please believe that it is perfectly natural to express your emotions. King David did, Nehemiah did and even Jesus did.’
‘God never thought any less of them for doing so and won’t think any less of you either. Actually, God is always compassionate towards us.’
If you are trying to navigate these heavy feelings today, here are a few more resources to help you find a safe space to heal:
Questions to Help You Process Internal Pressure
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- 1. How tight is your balloon?
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- 2. Be honest. Are you afraid of disappointing God if you really let it explode out in prayer?
- 3. What are the requirements for you of someone being safe enough for you to vent to?
Encouraging Quotes on Handling Emotional Pain
- “The first duty of love is to listen.” — Paul Tillich
- “You cannot write out of someone else’s big dark place; you can only write out of your own.” — Anne Lamott
- “The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.” — Elisabeth Elliot
- “All great spirituality is about what we do with our pain.” — Richard Rohr
Further Reading to Help You Heal
Barry Pearman
Image Source: Pexels
2 thoughts on “Mental Health is … Knowing Where To Prick the Balloon”
I feel comforted, relieved and encouraged by this. It talks about where I’m at, lets me know it’s not just me struggling with this, and gives a range of constructive thoughts and suggestions. I really appreciate it.
Thank you, your comments are appreciated. Keep them coming