We all want immediate results. A change to our situation, but Mental Health recovery takes time, so let’s be patient with ourselves and others.
‘I wish this would go away’ were the unsaid words messaged in the face of despair, looking at me.
I had seen that gaze many times, and with compassion, I would have loved to have given them a miracle sweep of a magician’s wand and see their depression leave, the memories of trauma retreat away, the marriage restored, the grief softened.
We live in an immediate world. With the gentlest of touches on the screen of a smartphone, we can get instant results. But the healing of a broken soul can seem interminable.
In this article:
No Shortcuts
Of course, there is a time for pace, to get to the desired location quickly and efficiently, but I have found in my own life and others that in the healing of the soul, in Mental Health recovery, there are no shortcuts.
If a so-called shortcut is found and taken, then it seems that you wind up back where you started in the first place, still facing the problems and the pain. There are no shortcuts to the long-term gain that lasting change requires.
Short cuts to relieve the pain might be a preferred addiction that numbs the pain — drugs, alcohol, porn, hobbies, sex, shopping. Anything that offers the briefest of moments of avoidance. We also like to minimize, fix the problem quickly, move on, move.
We slap a bandaid on the wound without cleaning out the pus, and we think we’re done.
Mainland Cheese
We have a brand of cheese here in New Zealand called Mainland cheese. It’s made in the South Island, and part of its branding message is that it takes time to make good cheese.
The advertisements feature images of beautiful South Island scenery and peaceful music. It’s like stepping back into another time with two elderly gentlemen talking about the old times. It’s very nostalgic.
The message is that ‘good things take time.’ Mental health takes time — and so does granting ourselves the space and time to heal. Reflection time and brain change time.
Reflection Time
When you look into a mirror, you see the image of yourself a fraction of a millisecond ago. It’s the speed of light, but it is history you’re looking at. So you comb your hair this way or that. You apply makeup, or you shave that bit of stubble you missed.
You observe the reflection and learn from it.
Experience is not a great teacher.
I have seen people have the same experience over and over again. They do the same stupid things repeatedly, and never learn from them.
They haven’t taken time to dig deep into what has gone on, why they repeatedly do the same thing over and over again. They have a blind guide, and it’s themself.
Mental health grows out of deep and sometimes painful reflection. Taking time to embrace the reality of the struggle fully.
Good things can’t be rushed. It takes time to sit and ponder.
Brain Change Time
It’s so good to know that our brains are capable of being rewired. That we can have new networks laid into the physical structure of our brain. This, of course, takes time.
I would love to be able to see the rewiring of my brain from when it was at its most depressed/anxious state many years ago to where it is now. Old pathways are dying off, new ones growing, and then falling away as even fresher and more unique paths take their place.
Brain change is a process of unlearning old ways and learning new paths.
It’s an evolving creative garden of neurological delight.
In the past, when I have been asked to pray for the healing of someone with a Mental Illness, I have prayed for those small, millimetre-sized neurons to change physically.
That is where Mental Health miracles take place.
Most people want an immediate change to the way they feel and think, but that would be a too radical change for anyone to handle.
Mental health healing is slow and gradual. It needs to be. No one could handle a brain transplant the way we emotionally want it to happen.
Patience, Please
There is some good work going on, but it takes patience for the maturity of the cheese to come.
Patience, not pushing, demanding, or pressuring yourself to be something you’re not ready for. There is a natural healing that has to take its own time. It’s a discipline worth learning — waiting patiently is good for you, even when everything in us wants to rush ahead.
There is a practice to be had of acceptance and then stepping out and trying new things. Patience grows out of an awareness of our limitations but with a gentle hope for something more.
The Size of a Neuron
Imagine all the billions of neurons in your brain. Super tiny, all firing off little electrical messages that help you do everything you do.
Some of those neurons have run their course in your life. They were useful once, but now after careful reflection, you want to learn some new ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. That may seem daunting to you, but let’s keep focused at the size of a neuron. Super small, you want to see change.
Form a habit of small, millimetre steps.
Prayerfully ask God to help with the rewiring of your neurons.
I have lots of suggestions in my free ebook Four Spiritual Exercises for Mental Health.
Also, there are links below to other articles that can help.
Quotes to Consider
- Where there is great love there are always miracles. — Willa Cather
- Experience isn’t the best teacher, evaluated experience is. — John C Maxwell
- We must die to one life before we can enter into another. — Anatole France
- A good journey begins with knowing where we are and being willing to go somewhere else. — Richard Rohr
- Changing behaviour by use of will-power alone will soon result in playing the same tune, but in a different key. The problems just move sideways. — D. Riddell
Questions to Answer
- Why do we want quick solutions?
- What changes have you noticed in your Mental Health due to your spending time in reflection?
- How does love create a context for Mental Health miracles?
Further Reading
- The Art of Waiting Patiently: Finding Peace in God and Psalm 40 — Discover the power of waiting on God. Explore the meaning of patience through Psalm 40 and learn how to move from a cry to a song of praise.
- Can You Pray For Me? How to Pray with Depth and Intimacy — How do you respond when someone asks, “Can you pray for me?” Discover a deeper way to pray using templates of intimacy and millimetre focus.
- The Power of Small Steps: Gradual Change and Millimetre Progress — Stop the cycle of two steps forward, three steps back. Discover “Millimetre Ministry” for gradual, gentle, and realistic personal growth.
- Mental Health is … Accepting the Pain to Get the Gain — If you want long-term gain, you need to accept short-term pain. We want ‘quick-fix’ solutions and instant gratification. Reaping never comes before sowing.
- None So Blind: How Allure and Deception Create Hidden Prisons — Stop chasing false promises. Discover how the allure of “shortcuts” leads to self-deception and how to break free from a prison of your making.
- Giving Yourself the Space and Time to Heal Through Faith — Discover the power of granting space and time for deep healing. Larry Crabb and Richard Rohr explore transformation through faith and grace.
Barry Pearman
Written by Barry Pearman — Community Chaplain, Mental Health Support Worker, and founder of Turning the Page, a resource walking a grace-filled path to mental wholeness through faith, hope, and love.
Image cc: Alexander Maasch
