I Want to Make Amends

We do something we regret and want to make amends for, but what about the heart. Come as a servant but don’t become a slave.

I was working in a garden the other day when I accidentally knocked over a small pot plant. It toppled over and fell onto a concrete path below and broke. I was appalled at what I had done. Of course, it was clumsiness, but these things do happen.

I immediately spoke to the owner and apologized. I offered to pay for a new pot. She said that wouldn’t be necessary. I was happy to give some money to make amends for what I had done, but she wouldn’t hear of it.

A broken pot. What about a broken heart?

What about something significant you have done relationally and want to make amends for your actions.

Definition of ‘make amends’ – to do something to correct a mistake that one has made
or a bad situation that one has caused

It’s relatively easy when it has a financial basis. You offer to pay for the cost of replacement.

Perhaps the justice system is involved, and a sentence is imposed on you to make amends for your crime.

How often though do the victims still hold the pain of what has happened to them? Even though the perpetrator has possibly shown remorse, apologized, and paid with some punishment?

Reconciliation is both head and heart.

What Zacchaeus did to make amends

There is a story in the Bible about a man who chose to make amends.

He [Jesus] entered Jericho and was passing through it.

A man was there named Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was rich. He was trying to see who Jesus was, but on account of the crowd he could not, because he was short in stature.

So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree to see him, because he was going to pass that way. When Jesus came to the place, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, hurry and come down; for I must stay at your house today.”

So he hurried down and was happy to welcome him. All who saw it began to grumble and said, “He has gone to be the guest of one who is a sinner.”

Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord, “Look, half of my possessions, Lord, I will give to the poor; and if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I will pay back four times as much.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because he too is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek out and to save the lost.” Luke 19: 1-10

Zaccheus was a tax collector for the Roman Empire, and in those days, tax collectors would often steal from those they were collecting taxes. So they were loathed and hated.

When Jesus said he was going to have a meal with probably the most hated man in the town, people began to grumble. A sinner, a major sinner, a thief, and an all-around scumbag, and Jesus was going to HIS house.

Zaccheus then becomes aware of the appalling nature of his crime. He wants to change the scene. So he promises to give half of his possessions to the poor, and to anyone he has defrauded, he will give them four times as much back.

Zaccheus knows the law.

In Exodus 22:1 it says

“Whoever steals an ox or a sheep and slaughters it or sells it must pay back five head of cattle for the ox and four sheep for the sheep. Exodus 22:1

He has stolen and is willing to pay back four times what he has taken.

This is a monumental way to make amends. Also, the poor are going to get half of everything he owns.

You can imagine the people in the village are shocked.

He wants to make amends with the people he lives with. It’s not only words, but it’s shekels in the purse.

The debt is paid, and everyone is happy. Actually, we don’t know the rest of the story. Perhaps some still held a grudge and were bitter and unforgiving.

You see, it’s one thing to follow the rules and be prescriptive in our compliance, but does it touch the heart.

Come as a servant but don’t be a slave.

The story of the prodigal son offers so many beautiful insights about repentance, reconciliation, and hope. We also find some insights about how to make amends.

Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.

After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'” Luke 15:11-32

The son comes with an attitude of service. How can I serve you? How can I make amends? The Father’s heart has been hurt, but this is his son, and there has been an attitude change from entitlement to abasement.

Hearts meet with a fullness flowing into an emptiness. A party of reconciliation music awakens the neighbors.

If the son had come to his older brother and offered to be a servant, he would have been turned into a slave. The debt would never have been forgiven. Always a grudge and a grindstone to work at.

We come as a servant but never a slave. If someone is enslaving you, they haven’t truly understood their own need for grace. Perhaps you’re enslaving yourself, and you need to give yourself grace.

Words and Actions to make amends

Words can be cheap, but actions that back up the words can help to make amends.

Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is good, but what actions will you take to show that it’s more than words.

For Zaccheus, it was a financial reimbursement. That was how he served those he had stolen from. The action would have been handing over the money and possessions.

For someone with addiction issues, it might be going to a Twelve steps program.

It’s a discussion point with the wounded. ‘How can I make amends.’ The victim may not know how. The hurt is so deep and complex that it will take time and counsel to understand the pain.

The pain might be so deep that nothing you do will heal it. Their pain is their pain.

Someone to make amends

But there is one who knows the depth of every hurt experienced by humanity.

The prophet Isaiah speaks about Jesus as a suffering servant.

Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering. Isaiah 53:4

I have someone I can go to who is in the business of mending. He amends my heart, and he can amend yours also.

We can never fully amend the hurts of those we have harmed. We would like to, but they have free choice of whether to accept our love gifts or not. Perhaps the pain they are experiencing is echoed from previous hurts, and now it’s all one giant mess of hurt.

Only the Christ who knows all, can forgive all, and heal all.

Quotes to consider

St. Thomas Aquinas taught that the corruption of the best is the worst. So the Bible is capable of great good, but we all understand it at our own stage of emotional and spiritual development. If you are still a black-and-white, rigid thinker who needs certitude and control at every step-well, the Trinity will feel out of reach. Grace shows up where logic breaks down, so you won’t go very far. No matter what passage is given to you, you will interpret it in a stingy, vengeful, controlling way–because that’s the way you do life. Richard Rohr The Universal Christ
Forgiveness is a choice. You choose not to be held hostage in the present to the injustices that occurred in the past. Shirley Glass
Forgiving is not a single event but a gradual process of increasing compassion and reducing resentment. Shirley Glass
Forgiveness requires a most unnatural decision to demand that the offender experience no punitive consequence for wrongdoing. Larry Crabb
Be honest with people for their sake, not just your own and remember, their response to you remains their responsibility. David Riddell
Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can, and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean. Aldous Huxley

Questions to answer

Have you been in a situation where you have tried to make amends? What helped?
What’s it like when someone comes to you and wants to make amends?
Some things can’t be mended easily. How does one heal and restore a wounded heart?