When You’re Feeling Abandoned

A feeling of being abandoned can be like a cold chill across the soul. But God is always at work, so we need to remind ourselves of this truth.

I was recently at the help desk in a large store returning some items, and I noticed a small boy in the cubicle. One of the shop assistants then picked up the phone and made an announcement over the phone system.

‘We have a small boy at the help desk. Could his parents please come to collect him’

Within a few minutes, his father appeared, and they were reunited.

The father and the son must have drifted apart or lost sight of each other.

I wonder what the little boy was feeling.

Alone?
Lost?
Abandoned?

In a world created out of intimate, perfect connection, we can at times get lost to that sense of being known, loved, and held. Life can at times strike a deadly blow to those intimacies we were born for.

We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people making imperfect choices.

Have you ever felt the cold winds of abandonment chill your bones?

Do not abandon the works of your hands.

There is a beautiful Psalm that can help us with the feeling of being abandoned.

In much of the Psalm, he is reminding himself of truth. But he also reminds God about what God is like – unfailing love, faithful, someone who answers the cries of our heart, great, kind to the broken, near to the fallen, a preserver of life, a shield, a savior, a vindicator and permanent source of love.

In essence, he is saying this.

‘This is who I am, and this is who you are.’

‘I’ve known you for a long time, and I know how you act; therefore, I am going to keep trusting in the God I know. My feelings may be saying one thing, old thinking habits inviting me down a pathway of despair, but I am making a choice to counter that with truth – God’s truth.’

But in the last eight words of the Psalm, there is a subtle but profound shift in his prayer.

‘Do not abandon the works of your hands.’

Words matter to the abandoned

Let’s dig a little into some of the words

I see a pot maker taking a lump of clay and working it with their hands. Their purpose is to make something of both beauty and function. A pot that reflects something of the character of the potter.

People will look at the pot and say, ‘That’s definitely a pot made by Jenny. You can see her fingerprints and style all over it. WOW!

But making pots out of raw material, such as clay, is hard manual labor, and sometimes the clay doesn’t respond well. So the potter may abandon the task. Their hands drop, they slacken off the attention, and eventually, they discard it. Throw it back to the ground.

David is pleading with God not to do this with him. To not give up on the work at hand.

He wants God to continue the creative process begun in Genesis, where God took some dirt and formed it and breathed life into it.

Listen to the poetry we were formed in.

God formed Man out of dirt from the ground
and blew into his nostrils the breath of life.
The Man came alive—a living soul! Genesis 2:7

He knows in his head that God would never abandon him. That God is one hundred percent faithful to his creation, but his feelings are murmuring something different. The heart is hurting.

Feelings are not always a reliable guide to reality, so David clings to God’s known character.

In a sense, he abandons himself even further to the character of God.

Five suggestions when you feel abandoned

Are you feeling abandoned?

Here is what I suggest you do.

1. Pray David’s prayer out loud.
   Quietly and slowly speak the psalm out loud. Do it again. Perhaps listen to the Lectio Divina reading of the Psalm.
2. Notice the little words that speak to your pain.
   There may be a phrase or a word that captures your attention. Take note of them.
3. Turn them into ‘I am …’ statements.
   ‘I am being heard by God’
   ‘I am being held by God’s right hand.’
   ‘I am not alone in the midst of trouble.’
   Then add them into your thinking compass
4. Give thanks for God’s faithful commitment to your ongoing creation.
   God hasn’t finished with you yet. God is at work, and their fingerprints are all over your life. So give thanks.
5. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
   Repeat this process over and over again.

Quotes to consider

• Have Thine own way, Lord
  Have Thine own way
  Thou art the potter I am the clay
  Mold me and make me after Thy will
  While I am waiting yielded and still  Adelaide A. Pollard
•  Loneliness is the first thing which God’s eye named not good. John Milton 
• One of the deepest sources of my own loneliness is that so few people seem to have much of an interest in exploring my interior world. Larry Crabb 
• We cannot attain the presence of God. We‘re already totally in the presence of God. What’s absent is awareness Richard Rohr 
• The priority of your feelings are to be safe and comfortable, but the divine priority for your life is to risk and grow. Which will it be? David Riddell
• When I believe my feelings and those feelings misrepresent reality, I am headed for a self-referential pit that will get deeper and darker as I dig myself into my homemade delusion. David Riddell

Questions to answer

1. Have you ever experienced the loneliness of being abandoned?
2. What are the words or phrases that speak to you in the Psalm?
3. God is at work in every situation in your life. What evidence have you seen of their craft?

Further reading

Change can feel like Being on the Wrong Side of the Road

Can I Borrow some Courage from You?

Grace Is The Greatest Gift You Can Give Yourself

Barry Pearman

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Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash