Everyone needs a Batman

Everyone needs a Batman

Life has challenges and can’t be faced alone, but with the help of faithful and loyal friends, we can make it through. We all need a Batman.

They were right there beside me. Where I went, they went. I couldn’t shake them off, and neither would I want to. They saw both my very private moments of despair and the times of victorious success. He was my batman and carried my bat well.

Before Batman wore a mask

Long before Batman made his appearance as comic book caped crusader, some men had a role in military life as being a batman for a senior officer. They were essentially a servant to an officer in the army.

The term is derived from the obsolete word ‘bat’ meaning ‘packsaddle.’ The batman was in charge of the officers ‘bat-horse,’ which would carry the officers kit during a campaign. Continue reading “Everyone needs a Batman”

Every Man Needs the Gift of Respect

Every Man Needs the Gift of Respect

The heart of a man dries up without words of encouragement. But the gift of respect can flood his life with hope. Let’s listen well.

All he wanted was some whispers of thankfulness.

Some acknowledgment that what he did mattered. He had worked hard all day, fought his battles, and sweated out a song. Now Otis wanted to come home and be told ‘Well done.’

He wanted his remembered movements to be noticed, affirmed, and validated as having value, particularly to his soul mate, his wife.

I believe Otis Redding wrote the song ‘Respect’ with those thoughts in mind. Continue reading “Every Man Needs the Gift of Respect”

‘We need to talk’ about Cortisol

'We need to talk' about Cortisol

Criticism, shouting, or being ‘put down’ releases the hormone Cortisol into our blood system. It causes us discomfort. When we know this, we can take greater responsibility for our responses.

Four little words will send a shot of terror into a man’s soul.

‘We need to talk.’

On a local sports radio station, one of the presenters has a little audio cutaway with a deeply serious woman saying those words.

Every man has an instant flash of warning lights and hears alarm bells. Continue reading “‘We need to talk’ about Cortisol”

Every Footprint Needs Affirmation

Every Footprint Needs an Affirmation sarah

Often life can feel like it’s one step forward and two steps back, but with a few words of affirmation, another step can be taken. Affirm the small footprints of the struggle and evoke the good to grow.

He knew many people didn’t like him. He had made commitments then broken them. His struggles were well known, and many had tried to help him, but he had burned them out. He was affirmation hungry.

There are many people out there that simply need a hug and to be told ‘You’re doing okay.’

Are you one of them? Continue reading “Every Footprint Needs Affirmation”

Why Men Don’t Talk. 26 Reasons for Silence


Men aren’t talking, but they need to. We need to enter the cave of man’s mind and encourage him to talk. Words flow when we listen well.

It was early in the morning, and I was driving to the first job of the day. The day was starting dark, cold, and wet, and I was listening to the radio when I heard a deep and serious voice come to my ears.

Friday, August 9th [2019] is Radio Hauraki’s ‘No Talk Day.’
We’re not talking, to encourage Kiwi men to start.

Last year, 668 Kiwis took their own lives.
475 of these were men. [71%]

On average, more than 1 Kiwi male took their own life each day.
It could be your mate, your dad, your brother, or even your son.

Sometimes men feel they can’t open up about what’s affecting them
so they just don’t talk. Continue reading “Why Men Don’t Talk. 26 Reasons for Silence”

Seven Tips for Counselling and Supporting Men’s Mental Health

Seven Tips for Counselling and Supporting men’s Mental Health

Men are in crisis and need help for their mental health. But one of the obstacles they face is finding counseling and support that is suited to them—seven tips on how to counsel and support men.

Nine counselors. Six men and three women.

That is how many counselors I have seen in the last twenty years. Most of them I have seen for professional supervision with others being seen for personal support. 

Some have been great, while others I have sacked.

One of them kept yawning during the sessions while another spent most of the time talking at me rather than listening to me.  Continue reading “Seven Tips for Counselling and Supporting Men’s Mental Health”

Ten Reasons Why Men Don’t Go To Counselling


Men need help for their Mental Health but have reasons why they avoid counseling and therapy. We need to understand men and the obstacles they face so they can get the help they need.

When I suggested he go to see a counselor to get some help with his anger, I could see the walls go up.

It wasn’t just his anger, that was simply a symptom of something more profound, a pot boiling over because he didn’t know how to turn the heat down. No, there were struggles that with all the will power he could muster, he still couldn’t change.

So he lived a false life.

A fine veneer on the outside but cheap rotting chipboard under the surface.

He’s lived this way for over fifty years now, and he probably will for the next.

When all he wants is respect, those who know him well treat him with caution. Continue reading “Ten Reasons Why Men Don’t Go To Counselling”