Why Men Don’t Talk. 26 Reasons for Silence

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Men aren’t talking, but they need to. We need to enter the cave of man’s mind and encourage him to talk. Words flow when we listen well.

It was early in the morning, and I was driving to the first job of the day. The day was starting dark, cold, and wet, and I was listening to the radio when I heard a deep and serious voice come to my ears.

Friday, August 9th [2019] is Radio Hauraki’s ‘No Talk Day.’
We’re not talking, to encourage Kiwi men to start.

Last year, 668 Kiwis took their own lives.
475 of these were men. [71%]

On average, more than 1 Kiwi male took their own life each day.
It could be your mate, your dad, your brother, or even your son.

Sometimes men feel they can’t open up about what’s affecting them
so they just don’t talk. Continue reading “Why Men Don’t Talk. 26 Reasons for Silence”

Ten Reasons Why Men Don’t Go To Counselling

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Men need help for their Mental Health but have reasons why they avoid counseling and therapy. We need to understand men and the obstacles they face so they can get the help they need.

When I suggested he go to see a counselor to get some help with his anger, I could see the walls go up.

It wasn’t just his anger, that was simply a symptom of something more profound, a pot boiling over because he didn’t know how to turn the heat down. No, there were struggles that with all the will power he could muster, he still couldn’t change.

So he lived a false life.

A fine veneer on the outside but cheap rotting chipboard under the surface.

He’s lived this way for over fifty years now, and he probably will for the next.

When all he wants is respect, those who know him well treat him with caution. Continue reading “Ten Reasons Why Men Don’t Go To Counselling”

I Want to Die – 530,000 Google Searches per Month

I Want to Die - 530,000 Google Searches per Month

As you read this post someone somewhere will typing into Google search ‘I want to die.’ But what are they truly searching for? I believe it is a connection and a simple plan to get out of the hole they are in.  

A year ago, February 2018, I wrote a post with the title ‘I’ve had Enough, Take my Life God, I Want to die.’ 

What has been remarkable has been the response.

  • 2821 page views
  • 82% came via search
  • 14 page views per day (currently)
  • Average time spent on page – 2 minutes 

Continue reading “I Want to Die – 530,000 Google Searches per Month”

I’ve had Enough, Take my Life God, I Want to die

I’ve had Enough, Take my Life God, I Want to die

Overwhelming emotions can take you to where you want to die. It’s what happens when it all becomes too much for us mere humans to handle.

The other day I was watching a news reporter standing in a stream swollen with water from a recent storm. Water was rushing down against his legs, and he talked about the overwhelming power of the current.

Many people die when their footing is lost to the overwhelming power of what is simply a collection of water droplets joined together. Continue reading “I’ve had Enough, Take my Life God, I Want to die”

18 Insights to Heal the Shame of an Attempted Suicide

18 INSIGHTS TO HEAL THE SHAME OF AN ATTEMPTED SUICIDE

The shame of an attempt at suicide can cling onto you like the odor of some dirty old socks. You would do anything to get rid of that stench. Is that a good description of shame?

That feeling of embarrassment at what you have done. You want to hide, run, cover it up, but it’s still there. Those smelly old socks still stink.

Recently I was asked a question by one of the readers of Turning the Page about how to help someone who had recently attempted suicide. In the midst of their crisis, they had posted their intentions out on Social Media. Now they had a deep sense of shame and embarrassment. They feared that people would treat them differently.

So how would you help someone like this? Continue reading “18 Insights to Heal the Shame of an Attempted Suicide”

MEDICATION, GOD AND CHRISTIANS. WHAT IS HELPFUL? PART 2

It is one of those memories that is special to me. I was very unwell as a child with eczema and asthma. My parents asked if our pastor and a few others could come and pray for me.

They were following the advice we find in James 5:14. We had communion together and then they put some oil on my forehead and asked God to heal my illnesses. [pullquote]Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. James 5:14[/pullquote]

I wouldn’t say there was any miraculous instantaneous healing. No thunderous change took place, but I knew that I was not alone and that some godly men and women loved me and prayed for me.

Over time those illnesses left me. Continue reading “MEDICATION, GOD AND CHRISTIANS. WHAT IS HELPFUL? PART 2”

What to Do When Fatigue Hits Your Heart

Fatigue seems to sap out any reserve you might have to go on.

I remember visiting him in the Intensive Care Unit in our local hospital. After a huge overdose of pills he had woken up to discover he was still alive. His attempt at suicide had not succeeded.

His story was not unfamiliar. He had battled his addiction for years. Day after day. Then it got the better of him, and when his whole world crashed around him he decided to crash out of it. [pullquote]Beneath what our culture calls psychological disorder is a soul crying for what only community can provide. Larry Crabb[/pullquote]

This was years ago, but just the other day he shared with me his excitement at the news of becoming a grandfather.

Wonderful I thought, it was worth all the struggle of rebuild for the joy set before him of holding a new born baby in his arms.

Fatigue hits me too. Continue reading “What to Do When Fatigue Hits Your Heart”

8 Steps To Discovering Wellness Through Knowing Your Early Warning Signs

8 Steps To Discovering Wellness Through Knowing Your Early Warning Signs

Often I travel over some sharp twisty roads. One of these roads has a large hill, and just on the other side, there is a beautiful view with a fence that has been driven through. The driver didn’t take notice of the early warning signs.

There are signs to tell drivers to slow down, but for this driver, the signs were ignored, boundaries were crossed and lives put in danger.

If you know the signs, then you can avoid the catastrophe. Continue reading “8 Steps To Discovering Wellness Through Knowing Your Early Warning Signs”

6 Keys To Helping Someone Who Is Suicidal and wants to die

6 Keys To Helping Someone Who Is Suicidal

Suicidal thoughts, feelings, and a desire to die can become overwhelmingly strong. But you can help people to move through this. You can learn how to help.

They reach out to you for help.

You have noticed your best friend, family member, or workmate being more withdrawn than usual. They have had a huge disappointment recently, a redundancy, a relationship breakdown, and even though on the outside they seem fine, you sense that something is not quite right.

So you ask, ‘Are you OK?’  Continue reading “6 Keys To Helping Someone Who Is Suicidal and wants to die”

How to Develop a Compass for the Brain

How to Develop a Compass for the Brain

I am lost and need a sense of true North. A focal point, a direction, a ‘something’ to aid my progress out of the fog. When the stress loading becomes too much it is very easy to lose your way. What we need is some sort of Thinking Compass.

Mental Illness is one of the worst fog generating experiences you can have.

Your brain can play tricks on you.

Your perceptions can change, sometimes quite dramatically, to being vastly different to everyone else’s.

I well remember someone pointing out to me the ‘Little spacemen in the tree’.

Psychosis was fogging his thinking, he was unwell, but in his mind, he was perfectly well.

Perhaps though the more subtle and less overt effects of mental illness can be more damaging. The thinking habits nurtured over many years in a watery soup of unawareness.

When the stress becomes too much for the fragile brain, we become disoriented, confused, and truly lost.

The fog has closed in and it’s black.

Mental illness often fog’s out a true perception of life. The perspective you have gets fogged by the interpretations you have made about events.

Event + Response = Outcome (E+R=O).

When the Response is affected by an illness then the Outcome can be disastrous.

When the stress loading becomes too much it is very easy to lose your way.

What we need is some sort of Thinking Compass. 

Something that we can refer back to time and time again, and that will always point towards true North. Always to healthy thinking and hope.

We don’t need some huge massive compass, too big to carry, too heavy to bear, and too incomprehensible to take in. When you are unwell you don’t want to be overloaded with information and unrealistic expectations.

Even previous learning experiences can hinder your uptake of new information.

It’s not so much that the client is unable to grasp the info, as he or she is easily discouraged, based on a fund of previous negative experiences in school. C. Scott McMillin

Do you have a compass for your brain? 

I have a handy-dandy little notebook (apologies to Blues Clues fans). It is small enough to fit in my back pocket and easy enough to pull out when I need a sense of direction.

I have a little notebook that is my Thinking Compass. I use a physical book, not an electronic recording device. I just think something quite tangible happens in the brain when you put the pen to paper.

Into this compass goes all sorts of material for me to keep training and coaching my brain.

  • Quotes. These maybe quotes I have gleaned out of books, podcasts, social media etc. Short and pithy, powerful and true.
  • Empowering and Challenging questions. Questions that stop you and make you think and consider some tough choices. e.g. Am I truly taking responsibility for my own life, today? In what ways am I going to help someone else today?
  • Scripture verses. The Bible is full of verses that speak truth in the innermost being. Read it and glean goodness.
  • Counselling insights. If you are getting counselling perhaps your counsellor can write down some the keys insights they want you to think and consider.
The criteria for material getting into my Thinking Compass is that there has to have some sort of ‘ah hah’ moment attached to it. There has to be a ‘light bulb turning on experience’ when I read it.
Basically, my brain needs some sort of new learning experience for it to make a new pathway.
Making new pathways in our thinking is hard work, much like building a rope bridge over a chasm. Many repeated journeys back and forth in the brain will make a new thinking bridge strong and secure.
Going back to the Thinking Compass time and time again is needed.

The thicker the fog, the more times you will have
to refer to the compass.

Question to Consider and leave a Comment.
  • Do you have some favourite verses or quotes that are like a compass to you? Why them and would you like to share them in the comments section?
  • Have you had an experience of a Mental Illness being like a fog around you, disorienting you, affecting your judgements? What helped you?
  • Can you have too much information? How can you discern what is most helpful and disregard the rest?
Barry Pearman

Jamie Street