You have an Unbearable Feeling, let’s get some help and find out what it is.
I was in one of those novelty gift stores the other day, and there it was. A button that needed to be pushed. It was a big red rubber button that when pushed it said “NO” in the voice of Homer Simpson. I had to push it. Just had to.
We all have buttons that when they are pushed, they get a reaction.
When I was in ministry, I used to have a name for some people who had very big red buttons.
Prickly Pears.
I don’t know where I got the name from, but they were people who you knew that needed a ‘Handle with care’ label placed on their forehead.
Source: The Power of Focus by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Les Hewitt
Much like Gloria here.
You see, just underneath that button is an Unbearable Feeling (UBF).
A feeling that is not just unpleasant, it’s unbearable.
I’ve got them, you’ve got them, we all have them.
Three Indicators of Your Unbearable Feeling
To discover your Unbearable Feeling, look for those moments where there is …
- An over-reaction or a shut-down and loss of rationality and reasonableness
- A rage, over-compensation, or stubborn silence whenever the subject is brought up, or the feeling is triggered
- An immediate loss of communication and ability to communicate
Just think back to the last time when you over-reacted, went silent, raged with anger (either internally or externally) or couldn’t communicate. Your unbearable feeling got triggered. The big red button was pushed, and off you went.
Anger is the most common unbearable feeling, but I wonder what’s under that anger?
If you want a biblical example of someone responding to their unbearable feeling, think of the long-haired strongman Samson.
You Are a Divine Work of Art
I have been reading The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis, and certainly, that Unbearable Feeling is a symptom of pain.
Unbearable feelings can cripple your life.
A couple of quotes
We don’t consider ourselves as divine works of art, yet God is at work in you and won’t be satisfied until you’ve reached a certain character. God’s character.
Pain, that unbearable feeling, is like a giant signpost saying to you ‘We need to work on this.’
Run from it as much as you like. Avoid it, dismiss it, project it out as someone else’s issue, but the Hound of Heaven and the Divine Artist will always be on your tail.
God loves you too much to leave you the way you are.
How to Take the Power Out of an Unbearable Feeling
1. Discover it
Think back to those moments when you overreacted and consider what the feelings were like at that moment. Here are a few unbearable feelings.
- I will do anything to avoid the feeling of disappointment, despair, or grief of any kind
- I will do anything to avoid the feeling of being unfairly treated; the victim of injustice
- I will do anything to avoid the feeling of being humiliated, exposed, embarrassed, laughed at or ridiculed (I think Samson could have had this one)
2. Disempower it
I will discuss this further in 6 Steps to Take the Power Out of an Unbearable Feeling, but here are some starting points.
- Take personal responsibility for it
- Recognize that feelings don’t always represent the present reality. They may be echoes of a previous time
- Find truth coaches to help you
- Repeat steps 1–3
It’s time to face your UBF dragon that dominates and controls your life.
Disempower the big red button and discover more freedom and step that little more lightly into your day.
Quotes to Consider
Questions to Answer
- What are some of your unbearable feelings?
- Have you ever noticed someone just over the top in reaction to an event? What do you think was happening in them?
- Read the story of Samson (Judges) and try to figure out what his unbearable feelings were.
Further reading
- Why Taking Personal Responsibility is Crucial for your Mental Health — Stop the blame game and find freedom. Learn why taking personal responsibility is the key to mental health and moving beyond your past.
- You’re So Angry and It’s Going to Help You — Discover how your anger reveals what your heart values most. Learn to set boundaries, protect your inner child, and heal through love. ↩ (already links to this post)
- Do You Self-Sabotage? — Stop throwing a “sabot” into your progress. Learn how to identify the unbearable feelings behind self-sabotage and move forward with vision.
- Mental Health is … Accepting the Pain to Get the Gain — If you want long-term gain, you need to accept short-term pain. We want ‘quick-fix’ solutions and instant gratification. Reaping never comes before sowing. ↩ (already links to this post)
- When No One Understands You. 11 Reasons — Feeling alone and misunderstood? Discover 11 reasons why others may struggle to connect with your story and how to find peace through it.
- Absolute Responsibility Needs Absolute Forgiveness — Confronted by guilt? Discover the healing shift from right-handed judgment to the left-handed power of absolute forgiveness and peace.
Acknowledgments:
- David Riddell, Living Wisdom School of Counselling
- Living Wisdom North Shore Seminar: Renewing the Mind through a Christ-centred Psychology — Paul Crawford
Get a free ebook – 35 Unbearable Feelings.
Written by Barry Pearman — Community Chaplain, Mental Health Support Worker, and founder of Turning the Page, a resource walking a grace-filled path to mental wholeness through faith, hope, and love.
Barry Pearman
